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i havent been on for long time cuz i was visting at my homeland!!lolz but so ya when i got home it was pretty hectic a week from school so long sad ((( but the thing is was i started to feel sad and unhappy and i got worse by each coming day and thhen i just felt empty. nothing nada.....so ya then i got thoughts of hurting myself and crap then it turned to killing myself and it got worse and worse. i inhaled chemicals, drank 1 bottle of cough syrup, drank poisin crap, choked myself and then 1 day i cut myself on uper arm with these sharp siccors and i got so freaked i told my best bud in rl.....she said if i was too scared to tell my mom well just write her a note so i did and i procrastined and so 3 days l8er i finally threw it away and i want to school and when i got out my mom look so paniked and she asked me if i wrote a note and in my head i was thinking( whoppe fRICKEm doo my mom must f went into my bedroom and i must of missed the garbage can....GREAT......) so i lied and said it was a story and she SNOOPED into mys tuff and found ther things i wrote like how i wanted to die painfully and these drawings( I LOVE TO DRAW) so they took me to our doctor and they sent me to a mental hospital and thats the thing i knew was going to happen so i was totally pissed off and i wouldnt talk to my rents and so we went home got my rap and went to the hospital and i went onmeds A anti-depressiant (lexapro) i was there 10 days ..i went back to school and i got a panick attack i went back to the stupid hospital in a police car and wats fuunny was ...u know how they have cops at schools well this one kid looked and saw a cop he must be thing oh look another cop and he countied to llok to the back and he saw me and glared at him IT WAS HILORAUS he looked so scared hahahh......... counting i was there only for 1 night my rents didnt let me go back toschool incase i was sent bak........but ur probably thinking wont she get held back?????ill tell u tht la8er, but then i started feeling REALLY HAPPY like i was going to pisssss my pants cuz i was so hyper and i started going downhiill like i started not like being mean to my rents like a teen somwtimes dose it was like i was a diff person aND so i was takken off it anf my 1st meeting with my pscyh i was sent to this hour and a half place , i was FRICKED OFF....i was there for 10 days again but sometimes i would get so mad like one time(the doctor and nurses try to get u mad so they see wat trggers ur anger)they put me out in a hallway in a chair and (there were2 other ppll)doing nothing so i told my doctor they are going to make me more suicidal and he didnt give a crap so i said f u ( the real word ) and i stormed out .. another time i wanted to go bak to tother hospital cuz they were nicer and so i litteraly beegged my mom and she said no and so when she went to rub my back i said dont touch me i fukin hate u and stormed out and made them leave for the vist..wouldnt u be made being in a pyhsco hospital???????serousily these ppl kept saying to me oohh whys going on to make u want to kill urself over and over agian it gets on ur nerve i felt like saying dose it concern u no it dosent so go away......but i didnt. They diganoise me as bi-polar and so now im on a mood stablizer and soyaaaaa...i do alteast feel better and i have to take sleeping pills cuz i have the worst sleep i can lie down from 12 oclock to 5 in morn and still not be sleeping...but in all in all i fel better but i think my mom is the bipolar onne cuz she could be taliking and then i say something to help the conver coming and she says something to bring a prob up and she starts yelling at me LIKE A MANIAC ..like this morn my sister colored on the wall she was mad and started yeloing and i was pulled into it but i like my moms friends i tell themm things (well only 2) and they dont tell my mom take that u sl uuu tttt hahaha .......so now i told u i relize should talk bout my past not now though cuz i would write more and be more pissed off as i am but i am using a libary comp (my moms friend took her daughters and me ) if u think i dont have it so bad i didnt tell u every single detail but hey its my life and it sucks and i feel more depressed saying that cuz it makes me seem like a big whiner.....BUT I AM ME thxs for listeneing or reading to my crap YAYAYYAY whee
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