Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So I'm just sitting here in my room right now. I'm kinda....not sure. It's like I'm too bummed out to be content, but I'm not bummed out enough to be depressed or sad. It's more like I'm....wistful.

*sighs* For the most part it's annoying. I mean it's like I want something, but I can't figure out what it is. I dunno if I need company, if I need to be alone, if there's a root to this feeling or if it's just something that's drifting over me and will blow away soon. And I'm restless, which doesn't help that out much. Ugh.

I dunno. I've got a new story in my head that I can play out to mentally distract myself until I fall asleep. No work tomorrow, but no idea what I'm going to be doing. I get paid, though I should probably save most of that money to make another payment on my loan. Still need to figure out this stupid PTCB thing as well. If I don't get a letter in the mail before another week goes by, I'm freakin' finding a number to call and badgering people.

Bah, and I'm still feeling off. It's like I just want to go outside, clamber onto my roof, and watch the sky while singing any kind of song. Doesn't even have to have words, just singing. And it's not so much that I have to be on a roof so much as I want a place with a clear view of the sky where I run no risk of being disturbed. Maybe I don't even want to lie down. With those little spurts of restlessness, slow dancing or twirling about would also be appealing. Geez, it makes me feel like a goober for even suggesting it all. But that's just kinda what I feel like. Of course I won't do any of that, cause it's 3am here and I'm in my underthings and no cops (or neighbor) takes kindly to the sight of a six foot white girls dancing about the street with nothing on but underwear and a bra.

I dunno, it just feels like something missing and I don't know what it is to fill up that void. So I'm sitting here, babbling into a journal, trying to at least make the feeling vanish into a corner for a bit longer. Bah. Maybe tomorrow I'll dye a couple strands of my hair blue, enough so that you can't see it's really blue unless the light hits just right or something. That'll keep me entertained. And maybe my dragon ear cuff will get here too. So tata for now, ttyl