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There is something missing in my life that I can not explain. I don't know even what I am looking for. But it haunts me. I dream it, I wish for it. And sometimes I find my self crying, depressed. Over what? I like to say it's because I have been told I have an old soul. A old soul is that you should have been born in the past, you were born in the past. I wish for a world where I could fight. Where as a woman I learned about the ways of the sword, I secretly voted as a man. I want to live in a forest with all the trees, forever wondering. To walk along the beach. In the past there was war with honor, there were rules. Now we hide as we throw a bomb and kill innocents, and they can't defend, nothing. We lie to everyone, the world is falling apart and mankind is doing it. I hate this time, I hate it with a passion. The rudeness of people, it hurts me deeply. No longer are there great writers, poets, there is nothing for me here. No more true love, romance, those are the things I am looking for. Maybe what I am looking for is my destiney. I want to help the world, to save it. But maybe that's a dream too. I find myself confused, wondering who I really am. Maybe a nobody. These are all questions that have to do with what I am searching for. I don't know where to look. No one can help me with this quest. Something beats me up inside. I wear a mask to the world. I like to think this journal enrty is not a mask, this is truly me. Everything else is a mask. I try to blend in but I stick out so badly. People think they know me, they have me figured out. But they haven't even scratched the surface. I will find this something, even if it's finding myself.