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October 25th, 2011

I'm trying to get back to the guy I used to be.
That nerd that read too much in class and watched too much anime.
That loser spending any free time role-playing on gaia.
That kid that had motivation and inspiration and could turn it into something beautiful.

I got lost trying to become something I'm not.
Trying to impress the people that don't really matter.
Trying to grow up too fast to catch up to people I'll never be like.
Now I have to back track in a sense and learn to accept who I am.
And it's a long road that I haven't even begun to halfway cover.
And believe me, I get turned around and lose my motivation.
And because of this, I've lost a lot on my way back.
A lot that I'll probably never get back.

I regret a lot of things, but I have to forgive myself and forgive others.
I have to move on and try to keep growing.
I've been stuck in this sort of a slump for a long time hating myself.
Wishing I could be anyone else.
And it's like a poison to the soul.
And that poison spreads to the people around you.
Until you've created this sickening atmosphere that no one can stand to be in.
And finally, all you can do is suck the poison out.
All you can do is apologize, and keep living and breathing.
Keep going on in life.
Because even when it feels like the end of the world..
Tomorrow will always come.

Broken relationships can rarely be mended.
I'm having to build new ones. And that's one thing I've never been good at.
But I'll never forget or completely let go of the old ones.
You can't. You take those and you learn from them.
And you grow as a person.

I hurt someone important. I hurt a lot of people.
Some people will forgive you, but others can't.
That's human nature. That's life.
I kept bending people until they broke. Blaming everyone else for my faults.
I never stopped to think about how anyone else felt.
I could only feel my own pain.
But then something stopped me in my tracks.
My world completely froze over for a few weeks as I tried to get it together.
I tried running away. I tried pretending not to care.
Nothing made things feel right again.
It's time for me to grow up and take responsibility for my mistakes.
I'm leaving this on my profile as a reminder for me.
Every time I lose motivation. I'll look on this page.
I'll look back on today and remember the way I'm feeling right now.
I don't ever want to go back there.
Keep moving forward, Danni.