Fluctuating chemicals in my brain,
Make it difficult to understand
Why I can't just reach out and hold your hand.
These spears of emotional strain-
They're thrown at my heart, again and again.
I remember
The scalding water.
I remember
Soft sobs I'd promised to keep from Father.
I remember
The clothes that never fit.
I remember
Words from a cold, bitter wit.
I remember
Her face as she ceased to breathe in my arms
I remember...
What I allowed to go on without setting off any alarms.
I never told you this,
But I wake up screaming; remembering.
I never told you this,
But I can feel everything.
I never told you this,
Because before I thought I knew no remorse.
I never told you this,
Because each time I told myself it couldn't get any worse.
I remember
The blood on her gloves.
I remember
The lies I was fed by all the supposed, "loves."
I remember
Silent screams.
I remember
My insides being shredded at the seams.
I never told anyone this,
But half the time I wasn't even myself.
I never told anyone this,
Because I figured it would be easiest to just take the Absinthe off the shelf.
I never told anyone this,
Because when I tried-
They'd always say I lied.
I never asked anyone this,
But what if I hadn't escaped- what if I had died?
I remember
Soft footsteps on the floorboards-
Their creaks a warning of what was coming.
I remember
The tight grip around my neck from the chords.
I remember
The seemingly innocent sound of her social voice.
I remember
The disgusted look she'd give me before making her choice.
I remember
Praying to any God or Goddess that today wouldn't hurt.
I remember
Wondering how we'd gotten to this place from one harmless flirt.
I remember
Emerald eyes burning.
I remember
Every whisper turning to screams of yearning
It was all too real,
So I came up with a plan to never feel.
I scraped away at the scabs so they wouldn't heal,
And I shook the Devil's hand and said, "It's a deal."
So as I was fed my last meal,
I swore to myself that I would close off my heart with a seal.
Every day, night, and time away
Was spent drifting father and farther from my own bay.
I inhaled toxins, poisons, concoctions-
Only to find that none could quench my thirst.
Until I was shown the worst.
So many hours spent chasing a mere hallucination,
Which is one of the reasons I fear I shall flee this nation.
I tried to douse my flame,
Yet ironically my struggles are what lead me to fame.
I don't understand this peculiar game,
Yet I seem to win every round; none of which are even close to the same.
 Alucarda Incarnate · Mon Jul 08, 2013 @ 09:04am · 0 Comments |
