He dreamed that I wore a rainbow vest, and I said he could do it too.
He frowned when he told me about it. Something seemed up.
Why would that dream make him unhappy? What was the other part of the story?
I laid next to him on the bed. We didn't touch. It was too hot. I wanted to vomit.
Every time I opened my eyes I saw his back, and felt relieved.
He wasn't trying to reach me. He didn't expect anything. Good.
Whenever we go out I comment on his clothes. They always have stains or tears.
I probably don't fit as well into mine as I should. He doesn't say anything.
His shoulders collapse inward when I point things out.
Maybe once upon a time he used to get defensive, but I can't remember that.
'You're beautiful' He says, but it sounds like an apology somehow.
He buys me a vase of roses and gets too drunk to talk.
He's asleep before I get home. I'm asleep through the morning.
We spend the day on computer in separate rooms.
When he comes into my room to talk I wonder what is wrong.
He doesn't seem to have anything to say, he just stands there.
Asking inane questions like 'what are you up to?'
You can see what I'm up to. I'm busy wasting my life. So are you.
I wouldn't say that.
But maybe that's why I get angry when he asks.
Once upon a time I filled his notebook.
I saw it once, and he stole it back.
I fought him for it, and split my foot open.
While I mopped up the blood
He ate the pages that mentioned me.
I wouldn't bother now.
I don't understand anything in his notebook.
I've made a lot of lists.
I make lists of things. It helps me order my thoughts.
I've made lots of lists about him.
There becomes too many things.
Slow, they say. Tackle the things one at a time.
I tried to tackle some once or twice.
Sat us both down, kept smiling, but assertive.
He just curled into a silent ball on the couch.
I dont understand.
This doesn't fix anything.
He doesn't know whats wrong. Sometimes, neither do I.
But things are.
He ran off into the night. I cared the least.
I told them I am leaving. He crumpled at the future thoughts.
His kisses tasted sour, so then I stopped having them.
Maybe mine do too. He never tries them either.
Itchigotchi Community Member 
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