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I'm ten thousand percent certain now that you aren't watching me anymore... And with that... I can slowly feel everything dissipate... But I'm so afraid...

There are these voices coming again in my mind and heart. The ones that your love drove away from me and that are re-surfacing again. I'm not afraid of what they are saying or what they want me to do... I'm afraid of how happy I am to want to make it all come true.

It's been starting since Wednesday, August 12th, these voices talking to me again. Whispering sweet destruction and chaos. I do my best to shut them all up with my resistance and strength... But we both know that I'm not going to hold up forever... That losing you made everything harder for me and I... I'm going to snap.

Just today, I thought how easy it would be to kill my coworkers whilst their backs were towards me. Simple and efficient, slicing their throats wide open before the other could notice. Such a surprise wouldn't leave much room for fighting me. How fast my heart was racing when I thought of them in their own pools of blood. I had to run out and splash water, trying to reset myself again.

Whispering softly, I'm fine... I'm not a monster... I'm me... I'm better than this...

To which I heard back, echoing in my heart, Stop lying to her, stop lying to us.

I... I never felt such fear. Before I could properly react, the bathroom's number lock beeped to life and I instantly shuffled out before the newcomer could see me talking to myself in the mirror. I was talking to the mirror... I hate looking at mirrors.

Though, despite this growing darkness within myself... I find some comfort that I can still fight... Even if the fight is a slowly but surely losing one. I still let the love in my heart flow strong enough and memories of better days pick me up off my feet to keep my husk moving into the new day. Do I think of giving up on this? All the time. I ask myself, Why do I even bother? She hates me and wants me ******** dead. She doesn't talk to me and she will never do so ever again unless I start the conversation... Even then, she'll just toss me aside again. And all I can find the answer to be is that, I can't stop myself. Even if it's going to be the knife that ends up killing me... I've learned to each portion of the metal, savoring each inch entering my beating heart to finally end it.

I'm just afraid... of the day that I finally snap. No one will know that I've fallen apart till I've... I've...