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I usually don't post in such succession within my journal only because I want to make sure that I don't over-saturate each post with something of the previously stated. But, I felt like today was a whole new experience (Well, not really.. But as of recently)

Today began with stress. Couldn't find my ID and when I finally did, I rushed towards the train station and JUST missed my train. Thankfully, everything else turned out progressively better and better as long as I kept my smile up.

Wait... I thought to myself, I'm... smiling? And.. I don't feel like hurting myself or anyone around me? H-How... W-Why?! And before I had the chance to answer it, one of my clients perked up with their question about the migration that I was doing. Within only three hours, me and my coworker complete our rounds and begin to head out to the next site for our assignment.

Walking down the halls of the hospital, I spot a happy family walking down together and I... I took the corner as fast I could, choking badly on tears that I don't want anyone to see... Screaming to myself,
Dear God! I want my little Seraph so badly! Please God! Give me my son...!
Thankfully, I resist the overpowering desire to cry until reaching a bathroom stall where I let all my barriers crash around me... letting my world spin in a surreal fashion... Not caring who hears me or whom judges me.

While sitting with my coworker in his car, discussing the future, she comes back into my mind. Her fingers skid across my chest and your smile lights my world. Before I knew it, my hand held my cellphone with your contact open, blinking and waiting for my message to you. I hesitate, writing several thousand things that I want to say before watching all of it disappear. I let out my sigh, feeling it reset my desire as if someone poured a cup of water out before it got too full.

The day ends and another coworker keeps me company for the ride home (or at least a very small portion of it), yet I'm already in the company of your words. The sparks float and carry around me, reigniting portions of me that I held tight to resist all urges to contact. No. I won't cave it. I won't let myself break my word that I desperately told her to be the absolute truth.

The final thing that rings of her in my mind isn't my love for her or even trying to praise her anymore than I've currently done so... It's just a simple conversation. One of everything yet nothing at all. One that I get to hear her laugh about some silly joke she'd heard from a coworker or listen to the frustration from work... Me droning for hours about people, computers, and anything just because I know she's listening to every single word...