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So, a little insight of my recent adventures in my life:

Everything went very hard to s**t fast.

With that said, I'd like to rewind before said s**t happened. Being very emotional and very broke, rent really kicks me in the nuts at the end of the month, I was already in a fey mood. The medieval fair did well for me, but the restless nights so far this week have been horrible. Been either waking up around 4 and trying to go back to sleep or barely sleeping while in bed with the constant turning and tossing.

Now, couple that with work whilst trying to focus and complete my job properly. Yeah, it spells s**t storm. Let's just go down the list of s**t going down:

1) Big meeting with my hiring agency with everyone. I blurt out all the free time and even end up tossing one of my members under the metaphorical bus. I mean, I was just speaking the truth, but I realized too late how bad of a choice that was. Afterwards, everyone just asked me to shut up about things and let them handle the talking. "Less is more" says my manager in reflection.
2) Building computers is my expertise... Just not when I'm having anxiety issues with my last ******** up. So, I end up making more mistakes and being ridiculed over and over again for it. I'm now literally sweating and feeling like I'm going to break down and cry, fully knowing that this can't be me normally.

Which leads me to thinking: What the ever-living ******** is going on with her and why the ******** am I being affected?!

It's a solid thinking. We both had this very powerful emotional bridge that we could feel each others emotions, regardless at times when we didn't want to. And for a while, as the tensions within myself began to rise, I had to fight the urge to call and just figure out what's going on so I could feel better.

Yet... I'm so quick to throw my issues on someone else. So quick to dodge the responsibilities of the issue instead of addressing it as my own. His, Hers, Theirs, Everyone but me. I started to relax and think inward, reflecting deeply on myself and resolved that it's just everything stacking themselves on me which is causing this heighten frustration. Before, I could just escape classes or things I didn't want to be around to avoid this frustration but now... I have to suck it up and deal with it because there is no more running away.

I have to deal with my mistakes. I have to deal with my lack of funds at the end of the month. I have to deal with my emotional problems and sexual frustrations all on my own and I can't blame anyone outside of myself.

With all that being said... If there is an actual issue, Silent, then could you kindly resolve it? I mean, I don't know jack s**t about it but from what I can feel from it... You're either dealing with a ton of s**t from work as well, maybe worried about being fired or dealing with that, or someone new is coming into your life and you don't know if you should even try after everything that has happened to you. For the work, I'd say that you're a solid worker and I know you can find work very easy, so please don't fuss so badly (If you need money, you know you can always ask me and I will always give what I can without question). If it's someone new coming into your life, or someone old, and you don't know if you should give Love another shot....

Do it. Please do it. It's the things that we miss out on that we regret the most. Not the time we gave the wrong people, but the 'what if they were the right one and I left them alone?' Life is too short to be questioning and wondering. Live the moment and learn from the mistakes. If you make the same mistake over and over... It's fine. Seriously. You're NOT perfect. You're NOT meant to always be right and it's OKAY to make mistakes. If someone is judging you on your mistakes then cut them off. No one is perfect and NO ONE should judge you on them.

You have ALL the love in my heart still, Silent. If you need someone to listen, someone to go to for advice... HELL, I'LL FLY OVER TO HUG YOU IF YOU NEED IT (Just give me a few weeks in advance to plan accordingly). Please please PLEASE reach out if you need someone. I know how it feels to bottle everything up and not have anyone to share your pains, excitement, sadness, etc. with. I want to listen and... And just be there if you need it. Please consider this.