I'm rather depressed right now, because despite myself, I can't see any point to my life right now. I look forward to where my life is going, and I'm not sure weather I like it or not, or if I even care. I suppose though, it's the not caring that desturbs me the most. I care that I don't care, I don't like not caring because that leaves me uninspired.
Completely different train of thought, but it lends to my absence of point feeling. How do I know this is all real? Nobody can truely prove to me that this world isn't just my imagination creating a place for me to reside. The people I interact with are my own creations, and everyone else is just background noise.
I find that when I think of things sometimes that I haven't thought about in a long time, developments suddenly occur with those things. I was talking to someone about three months ago about a story they were writing, and I thought about it tonight as I watched a movie. When I came on gaia, I had a PM from the person letting her friends know she was working on chapter four.
I hated the movie i was watching because it had one major loose end. This guy who had a very prosperous career got fired, and at the end it showed him running along a beach. I found myself wondering what he was going to do for money, how he was going to live, how much he had put away from his previous job... But why do I care? I don't know what happens to that charachter, and it's killing me, but I shouldn't CARE. I care about things I shouldn't really care about, and I don't care about things I should.
I think I'm going crazy, completely paranoid. i have recently taken to un plugging my X box and taking it up to my room at night. A while back I had a friend come over, and later that night when I couldn't find a magic card that another friend had lent me, I assumed instantly that he stole it. I found it, but later that night when I went to bed, I checked all the doors in the house to make sure that he hadn't put duct tape or somthing over them to allow someone to open the door even if it was locked.
Tonight I walked back and forth b etween the front and back doors of my house to make sure both of them were locked about six times each way, which makes me think I'm becomming obsessive compulsive.
I'm going to bed now.
TehOden · Thu Jun 08, 2006 @ 04:33am · 0 Comments |