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So, with 2 days until the funeral I forced myself to come to the realization gram's gone. I don't want to be a complete wreck at the funeral, I don't want to be slapped with reality. For the first time since September 24th, I cried, hard. I'm trying to write up something to say at the funeral. I'm not wanting to say anything sad or anything, so I'm choosing my words wisely. After the stroke in 2017 though, she got real quiet. She quit talking as much, she quit reading and doing word searches. She quit joking quite as much. It's hard to talk about the recent, especially, after the diagnoses in August. It's a jumbled mess but it's a rough draft. So many more than we expected are planning on coming. I'm happy but nervous. My family is being difficult though but what's new? Idk, there's so much that needs to be done and only 2 days left. I'm so tired. Yesterday, I started experiencing a lot of dizziness and weird chest feelings, even just sitting. So, I didn't get a lot accomplished. Idk what causes it but it's been off and on for almost 3 years. It hasn't been that bad lately though, so that was odd. My pulse was a resting 50-65, which is a normal for lately. I'm wondering if the lower end is the problem. Idk. Idk what it is. My blood pressure is fine, my oxygen level is fine, my glucose is fine... But yet if I leaned in the slightest, in one direction while sitting, I'd fall over. I hadn't eaten at the time, so I ate and it still didn't help.