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I’m laughing but crying right now. I don’t really know why…*laughs a little* I’m sOoooOo ******** up right now…. Feels like I’m high…or something’ *shrugs* My life is being really….weird……. Anyway, one my Exs want me back and I keep telling him no and stuff. He still won’t leave me alone. And I scared him, I know it was stupid but I pointed a gun to my heart. The guy was freaking out and s**t. I swear I don’t know what’s going on with me, then I started to laugh like a mad person. I forgot what happen next. Then I was talking to my best friend, and b***h XD, Ana. I was very hyper and happy that I’m talking to my best friend. An hour goes by and I’m telling her about this one dream, (happy dream) and we were both spazzing. Anyway, I tell her about my older sister. She was once my hero and best friend in the whole ******** world. She really lost a lot and I pretty much hate her now. I’m still not over the fact that one of her friends came over to my place (while my dad, mom and little sister, and I were out on vacation, she took care of it.) and slept in my bed and probably had sex in it.(ewww) and for using me, and deceiving me, lying to me, and left me broken promises. I cried, bled, and even prayed for her! I’m starting to get bad thoughts and nightmares again… the last one was were I was just cleaning my guitar and my mom and dad came into my room, beat the living s**t out of me and stuff. Then my uncle came to rape me again. All my friends came to me and told me that they hated me and wanted me to die. Then, I don’t know how or why, I pick up these guns and bullets (or shells…or whatever the hell you call them) and I start shooting everyone. After that I’m in my room covered in blood and everyone I know is dead in my room, blood, guts, hearts, lungs, etc, all over my walls. For some reason I go outside and then I lift my arms up, holding the guns, so I make a “T” like shape, or something, Then, I see Jimmy and Erick and my guns pointing at their hearts. I look at them and I see that they’re crying blood. Then I start crying and point one gun to my heart and head and say “….bye” and I wake up with tears.

I really don’t know what’s going on with me…. I’m really ******** up….