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Well I feel like ranting about some thing so I’ll do it here

Ok so I’m at MEAC (Mid-Eastern Alateen Conference, basically where teens with alcoholic parents, relatives or siblings get together and try to recover) and there was this thing on the second night called Unconditional love. Unconditional love is something in Alateen that came from the phrase "you might not like us all but you will love us in a very special way" basically you might not like the people there but you respect them and basically love them because they know some extent of what your going through. So imagine this a large room with about 20 people on each side of it, at the front of the room is a DJ stand (for the dance later). The people on the left walk in to the center of the room and find a spot with distance between them and the people around them. Then they close their eyes and the DJ starts to play sad music, not country or Emo, but just sad songs. Then the people on the right walk out to the people standing with there eyes closed and give them hugs, to simulate the lack of love from their alcoholic. While i was hugging i tired to cheer people up so they wouldn't cry by tackel-huging them and glomming one of my friends. it was all fun and games until it was my turn to get hugged, it was ok I think one of the sponsors was getting a little frisky on me eek but other then that it was fine. Until the second time when after a while I remembered sitting in the car with my mom out side the mall, it was a few weeks after my father killed him self and we were talking she was sad and we just started hugging and crying, I couldn't help it and I hate crying I can't stand how if get emotionally unstable like that. And one of the girls who hugged me I meet a few months prior at another Alateen camp whipped the tears from my eyes…But the worst part was that not even 2 days prior I was on the phone with a suicide help line. And I talked normal I didn't even squeeze out a tear and there I was listing to sad music and getting hugs and I started to bawl like a baby. And last night a friend of mine was trying to prove some thing to me and sent me a video from youtube.com and there was one part where some one had the tears whipped from there eyes, and it reminded me of that night and I wanted to cry again. And the only reason I’m posting this now is because some one made a reply to one of my post in which I was asking for help with some thing and they said “Unconditional love”. So here I am sad but not near crying because it feels week to me...