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DEAR ******** LORD!!!! :: EDIT |
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why is it that when you feel the most need to be saved, no one is ever around thats willing to save you?
i believe i have developed a horrible fear of adults and alcohol. i was confronted by both tonight and i cowered in fear!
so, i was playing a wonderful computer game of gregs. i had left it for a while, just come back, greg was showing me how to do something when suddenly, he gets a call on his cell. it was "mom". . . . she wanted us to come down the street (to my "aunt" and "uncles" house) because they were throwing a party to watch some race on tv in his basement which is all decked out with a bar/kitchen, living room, play area, bedroom, and bathroom. greg said she was smashed but i didnt know why.
until i got there. . . . i got there and she was on the phone with geoff. everyone was standing around. it was a huge a** crowd too. i was overwhelmed and out of place. i decided to go stand by "mom" like i usually do when im trying not to be a nusance to greg. but she was on the stairs so when i stood by her she practically screamed "OH YOURE ALREADY HERE!!" like she hadnt seen me come down. i thought that was a little weird and she told me to come down and i said i already had so she figured i was trying to leave and yelled at me "OH NO YOU CANT LEAVE!! YOURE NOT LEAVING ALREADY!!" i was like WTF i was just trying to hide by her like usual anywho. . . . so i went back down and whatever. then she got on me trying to think of something i could drink as a shot because i refuse to drink alcohol. and everyone sat there trying to think of stuff and telling me what alcohols i should drink. omygod. then greg and ross(his friend) sat down and i followed as everyone turned their focus elsewhere. and i hid behind gregs chair for as long as he was sitting there, which was pretty long. then they walked over to the pinball maching and stuff and whatever. then they sat back down and i forgot to get back into hiding position because they said there was only about 7 minutes left before theyd be leaving (which would make it possible for me to leave) then some of the people came over and kept trying to convince me what kind of alcohol to drink in a shot and what not. i was all like WTF JUST LEAVE ME ALONE gonk the whole time i was there i was so depressed. everyone was smashed except for geoff and his friends, greg and ross, the little kids, the retard son of our neighbors, and maybe my "dad" . . . . i wanted to cry so badly. i just felt really out of place and people were so pushy about taking a shot i thought i might have to. i have no problem with alcohol and what not, i just really dont want to feel like im being pressured into it. i mean, i figure some day i might go ahead and drink, but i would much rather it be with people i know and care about and have fun with and not be because im surrounded and cant get by without it. o and did i mention the whole time i kept asking "mom" if i could leave and she kept telling me no? or that my "aunt" went up the stairs for something and "mom" started yelling for greg not to let me leave because she thought it was me despite that we share no similar trates? seriously, she is very tan/redish, blond hair, taller than me, blue eyes, different body build all together. . . . o and when it was down to about 3 minutes, most of the people that had been talking to me about what to drink had supposedly left to go down the street. anywho, finally greg decided it would be a good time to leave and he started saying goodbye and everything and "mom" gave him and ross another shot and finally let us leave. we got out to the garaged and they were all still there. i was all like ******** and the dude started saying stuff against what his wife had said about what kind of alcohol to drink and recommended yet again some sort of other drink and bla bla bla. then greg and ross and me left and they went over to the golf carts they were gonna ride down the street on and i RAN ALL THE WAY HOME AND TO THE FAR END OF OUR HOUSE PRACTICALLY SCARED THE CAT TO DEATH AND SAT ON THE COUCH TRYING TO BREATHE. . . . about 5 minutes later, greg and ross made it home because they walked.
anywho, so now im up in my room with tai sleeping next to my chair and im safe. . . . for now. . . . but it is clear to me that i am not meant to be in a party scene. especially one with a ton of people i dont know or a bunch of adults. and as i said before, i have nothing against alcohol, its just when people are trying to force me into it.
so, im just gonna sit up here for while, take refuge, and try to get over it. ===================================================== well "mother" is home. . . . and very upset. . . . you see, everyone else got to go swimming. . . . and she came home to get her suit on and then realized she couldnt find her purse she and geoff are fight now. . . . and im not even sure why all i know is there is a lot of yelling going on and a glass got broken and i dont want to be here
Unni Ineo · Sun Aug 27, 2006 @ 05:05am · 5 Comments |
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