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I'm quite pissed right now......Everytime anyone in my house speaks, It makes me want to shout obsenities and bite their head off. Nothing's fair in the world, my brothers a complete idiotic, over-inflated, ******** who should get anally raped in jail. My mother lately has really been getting on my nerves.....She asked me to help her nicely one second, and if I don't jump up from whatever I'm doing that instant, she turns into bashee from hell, and bitches me out because I didn't have the intuition to do it without her asking me. Since when has "Clean the liter box" also imply beating the ******** rug and sweeping the damn floor? And she always takes the side of my dumb-a** brother who got kicked out of school for two weeks for dealing stupid drugs! I know she wants to treat us both equally so the baby doesn't cry about it, but I don't think he should have the same rights as me when he's under freakin` house aresst! I asked to go online, I get "No! I was waiting for a call all day yesterday, and didn't get it because you were online!" Even though I wasn't even online yesterday for an hour, and if I go on without freaking permission, I get bitched out by Commander CornUpHerButt, yet my druged-up brother get on BEFORE me, and WITHOUT permisson, and he doesn't get as much as a angry glance! This equallity bull-s**t is getting on my nerves, and it has for the past ******** year! He can beat me around, gives me bruises, make me cry, but somehow it's still my ******** fault?! "Well, you DID push him....." And I get bitched out for yelling angrily at them? After the ******** knockes me on my a**? Where is the equallity in that? And I also get yelled at for walking off angrily, or not talking. I don't talk because everything I say is contradicted! I'm not the one who was kicked out of school! I think I deserve a little better than "equal treatment" than the drug-dealer, don't I?

I never even get praised anymore! I try to show my drawings to my parents, and I'm just ignored! I want some damn praise! I don't get praised for good grades anymore. Maybe if I failed a class, maybe I'd get some reconigtion. The only thing close to me getting any positive attention at all is when my mom ask me how my day at school was, which is pointless. And even days when I want to tell her something about my day, she never asks me how my day was.

They always take out their troubles on me too. My brother is driving my family crazy, and If he get's them upset, I have to reap the un-benfits too. My dad loves to do that. He doesn't say that he's mad, but he get's real controlling of me at that point, telling me all this crap that I "should of done a long time ago". My mom's just a b***h at that point. And they wonder why I get mad at them all the time. It's because they're always on edge, and it get's me on edge too.

No one even tells me anything. That's what irks me the most. It's like they think I wont understand, or I can't take it, or I'm obsoulete My dad will try to explain to me once in a while, but it's mostly just him complaining. My mom wont tell me diddly-squat. And they even shoo me out once in a while. I hate when the keep secrets from me! I want to know! I'm part of this disfunctional family too! If I want to find out anything, I have to look for it myself, and that's no fun.

My brother is the biggest problem. I don't ******** care If he's upset, or having problems! It's no reason to coddle him after he's upset after he's done something stupid on his part. He caused it himself, he should have to face the concequences himself. And his mood really upset me. He's winey sometimes, then he's violent, screaming, crying, like he's been wrongly accused of something. The mood I hate most is his "innocent" mood. It when he's all happy-go-lucky and sing-songy and nice. I hate it. He trys to talk to me, but I can't talk to him in that mood. It's annoying. It annoys me because It's just an annoying phase. It's always when he want something from me. And then if he doesn't get what he wants he's either pouty or pissed. It's his own fault. He wonder why I never lend him money. It's because he cheats. He steals from his own family. He stole some old coins from my MOM. She was collecting them and he STOLE them. And used them like pocket change. And he might get a stern lecture, but he's never really punished. Because he never learns his lesson. He just goes and does it again.

And nothing ever applies to him. I can't even set foot in his room, but he goes into mine and takes stuff all the time. And I'm not even aloud to lock my door.

It's never his fault either. It's been my fault since the day I've been born, and It's not fair. He can yell at me, and push me, and shove me, and I can't so much as chew my food wrong, and then he cries about it, and then I get bitched out. I'm always the one who has to yield, and I'm sick of it! I'm always the one who has to leave the room, always the one who has to wait untill he's done. It's not fair! I'm not the bad child here! Why do I have to yield to him, even if I'm not at fault? Why can't he, for once, have to be the one who has to leave? It's him, or me.

God......I feel like I want to bust up a room with a baseball bat one moment, then I feel like crying into a pillow the next. I wish my brother would just leave, or at least shape up. Because I can't live happily in my own house anymore.