Lately I’ve been thinking about growing up and the future and crap. If in 10 or 15 years if I’ll still be living in this ‘wonderful world’. Or if in 10 or 15 years I’d be married in a happy family or all by myself. Death is a really common thing, it is not rare; and I know that many other kids like me or even younger may have experienced someone close to them passing away. I know that I myself am luckier then many other kids who may have grown up not knowing their parents at all or some who have been brought up in a really chaotic family. But just because I am better off then many kids does not mean that my life is perfect…
I am not writing this journal entry for your pity or whatnot, I’m not even asking you to read this I just want to express my feelings. Hell, I wouldn’t even be surprised if no one reads this. But what if in 10 or 15 years or even less someone that I have grown up with, someone I have grown to love isn’t even with me anymore. What scares me most is knowing that there are people in this world who do do things to hurt others and criminals everywhere hurting others and getting away with it. Not only criminals but diseases as well. Diseases that have the potential to end your life and everything that you’ve lived for. What if I die before I accomplish something to be proud of in life?
I love my parents a lot, I really do. And it is a well-known fact that they are getting older and time is passing faster. It seems like just last week when I celebrated my last birthday with friends and soon enough I’ll be another year older. Will my parents still be here to take care of me in a few years time? I know… I know I do many things that make my parents sad or mad and I always argue back at them and never do what they tell me to do. I often tell myself that I should be a better person and stop getting people angry with me, but I guess I just can’t do that…
And now onto a totally different subject…
Internet relationships… before I joined this thing called gaiaonline I always just thought that it was impossible to love someone without even knowing them in person. But this year or so on Gaia has really proved me wrong, because since august 2005 when I came onto this sight I have been in and out of many relationships where I can truly say that I loved the person I was with whole-heartedly.
Some say:
“You never really get over your first true love but your first true love gets over you…”
And it’s true I’ve never really gotten over him… he is still here on Gaia happily with some other girl.
At one point in your life you will meet that one guy or girl that will have you head over heels in love with them whether it be when you were a little kid in the sandpit falling in love with some kid who saves you from the bullies throwing sand at your face or when your older and finally realize what true love means, or even an online relationship at this one point in life it’s the best feeling in the world to know that the one you like likes you back. It doesn’t even matter that much if you know that it’s not gonna work out in the end.
At one point in your life you will meet that one guy or girl that will have you head over heels in love with them whether it be when you were a little kid in the sandpit falling in love with some kid who saves you from the bullies throwing sand at your face or when your older and finally realize what true love means, or even an online relationship at this one point in life it’s the best feeling in the world to know that the one you like likes you back. It doesn’t even matter that much if you know that it’s not gonna work out in the end.
“It’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all…”
“If you truly love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were…”
I let the one I loved go… but he never came back… heh… I’m an idiot.
I’m tired of pretending that everything’s okay. My tears are starting to show and my smile’s fading away…but sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow. We must fail in order to know and sometimes our visions clear only after our eyes are washed away with tears… and to my dear friends please remember; I’ll always be beside you until the very end, wiping all you tears away being you best friend. I’ll smile when you smile and feel all the pain you are. And if you cry a single tear, I promise I’ll cry too…
well there you go.... i'm done blabbing on about my thoughts. If you read this far without giving up, thankyou i guess...
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