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Yay for me! My first post. I was worried at first at what I should do for my journal. I figured it should be something good and useful in some sense. As of now my life has become bare minimum of nothingness.
Current situation:
My biggest and most luxariouse distraction has been cut. CABLE TV!!! gonk
Although it was my idea in the first place....REALLY 
I am living with my parents and 4 year old brother.
My mom is recently fired, and my dad has carple-tunnal on his left hand thus putting him on dissability.
So in other words we're broke with debts to be paid.
So we took away NetFlix, Cable(all of it), and cell phones not to mention junk food.
Reason it was my idea is because I have not been getting good sleep over my lack of self control to turn the freakin TV off. I thought rationally and cut the cord before I thought more into it.
Thus we have money to pay bills and I get less distracted. Now I can practice drawing even MORE then I did before.
Since I am out of high school I got plenty of time. I am also applying for City Colleage in SF but I am also looking for a job. Which I have applied to a couple so far and have yet more to apply to.
So anyways, everything is bare minimum and simple which is very good for me (even if I am going to hate it) because in the long run it works out. I get time to draw more, apply for more jobs, health, and I don't have to hear my parents b***h at each other night and day.
Then they take it out on me, picking at the
little things. My dad makes rational sense as my mom does not. She wants to keep the car even though she does not have the money to pay the monthly bill. The car is new, and was given to us by my grandma. We're hard up for a car, my dad's car is a 1992 Mazda Miata convertable. He is selling it now because they need the money to pay the bills. Unfortunatly my mom want's the convienience to drive around to work and such. She is not willing to take her debts away by sacrificing her luxary. She was hesitent to cut the cable as well. This went on for a whole week. Therefore I get the pain if them bothering me to get a job and go to colleage. They think I do nothing at all, when it is just that I am not around when they're off doing something and I happen to be home playing games or watching TV when they arrive. stare Assumptions....it's a killer. My mom nags on and on about her problems and makes these lame excuses why this and that happened. She burnt two pots this week and last week, recent one was with me at the cause sleeping. She left it and I was dead asleep. Mine you, my room is next to the kitchen with no way of the smoke to escape except a crack of a one window. I could have suffcated and not know it.
Mom:"I am stressed. I forget alot. Stop pointing it out it makes me more stressed. When a person is stressed you don't yell at them for their faults or it will get worse. Besides you should have been awake, instead you had to stay up all night watching TV or on the computer."
So her forgetfulness gives her permission to burn a pot and nearly suffacate me in our house. Just because I was staying up late does not make it my fault that she burnt another pot to the point of no return. God, would she at the very least take responcibility for her own brain farts!?!
My mom:
She looks out for #1 which is her own spoiled relief. Although I don't think she know's it. Cause it seems that what she says is completly stupid and outrageouse only because she does not like to be wrong. In every argument she never stops. It's wierd, she is an enigma still to this day. She'd say the complete wierdest of things and try to make it logical.
It's like she has a barrier both blocking her sanity and everyone elses opinion/idea/side. She is the example or rather defination of: "Do as I say, but not as I do."
Hypocritical, ignorant, and just plain irritating. She was the focus of all my anger. I used to idolize my father
because my mom made herself look bad to me. She almost seemed as if she never cared. Then I finally realized my dad is not perfect
and my mom is the way she is cause she is just air headed
at times (alot of times).
Proof that my mom is not out to get me
is today she randomly appeared and said, "I know I nag at you alot, but even though I do that you're still a good son."
That was awsome of her
First complement that she gave me that did not feel shallow. In fact that was the most important complement she ever gave me. Once that I should and hopefully will remember.
Main reason it is so important is because I felt I (drug, alcohol free, and non-criminal record) is not being recognized. I no matter what I do they assume something bad, or I did'nt do this or that. Lack of confidence in me who was taught by them. This helps re-assure that my actions are not in vain or good deeds are not recognized. I'd careless if some stranger told me, but if it is my significant person in my life then it means so much.
My reaction had to be positive, or else why should they feel comfortable to do it again. I should make it clear that it is comfortable for them to give compliments or praise without it feeling that it is a taboo.
sweatdrop BUT she still can be a b***h.
That's just the human thing though. It is not her fault....all the time.
Question of the Day:
#1. Have you ever had someone, that you have such animosity towards, give you such a compliment out of the blue that it made you brighten your day?
#2. (less specific) Which parent do/did you hold above the other and why?
 taikerr · Sat Sep 25, 2004 @ 10:21am · 1 Comments |
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