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been sort of on and off with my moods lately. not exactly sure why. maybe i keep feelings bottled up too long, so i end up forgetting about them now, and then explode like emotional time bomb later. im sure you've experienced this before.

so found out some incriminating news. to keep things confidential, i'll use the letters T & J to keep things anonymous. and so no one gets the wrong [or right] idea, they both represent boy names. so try to follow along, aiight?

i guess i never really thought it would happen, being they both seemed to like girls. then, out of nowhere, i hear that they might be going out! of course, this is probably just a rumor, but i do sense the closeness between them. but wow, talk about some shocking news. i guess if it was just any ordinary two guys, i wouldn't feel this way. but i did sort of have a crush on J. why? im not really sure. we don't really talk as much, but we do say hi to each other. and i guess in my own world, i sensed a sort of vibe from him. but i guess im too late. he's got someone older, talented, and i guess everything else im not.

i guess this is one of the things that suck most about living in such a closeted town. homosexuality is sort of underground here. don't get me wrong, i don't exactly go around wearing rainbows on my clothes, or announcing my queer-ness to the first person that will listen. i guess if you didn't really know 'me', then you would think i was just an ordinary boy. but i guess that never quite applied to me. ever.

oh well. i always knew i didn't have the best luck with love anyway.

this 'about to rain' weather kinda reads how im feeling right now. blending in with the normal clouds, but shows its grey color. as time goes by, it gets closer and closer to letting out what it's been holding in.

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