UNCONFIRMABLE LIE
Nothing in this world infuriates me more than knowing that the bullshit that has just come out of a pathological liar’s mouth is an absolute falsehood, but I have no concrete means to challenge this fictitious claim. I like to call this THE UNCONFIRMABLE LIE. It serves no purpose, no logical thinking person will ever believe it, but on what basis can we actually mount a dispute?
Usually these lies revolve around encounters with the opposite sex. “I totally ******** the hot new secretary at my work last night”. Yeah, sure you did. Very convenient that none of us were around to see if you actually mustered an ounce of game, of which you’ve never displayed before on all the occasions all of us are out, and actually managed to coerce this lovely female into bed with you. Yeah, I believe that. I also believe that a magical rabbit hops around my yard come spring time leaving me chocolates in the grass. You don’t need to wow us with your sexual conquests, we’re your friends already, and we don’t judge you. Except for that time we caught you spreading jam on your scrotum and forcing that stray dog to lick it clean. Yet despite past history and all signs pointing to an untruth, I have no definitive proof that what you are saying is a sham.
These false pretenses also typically arise in situations when said imposter describes behavior that appears uncharacteristic. “These four huge guys were coming at me, so I stepped up and knocked the biggest one out with one punch and the others just backed off.” Oh yeah, I believe that one. Especially since the last fight I saw you in was with that poor kid with narcolepsy and he managed to stay awake long enough to slap you around pretty good. You obviously feel the need to prove your masculinity further with tales of combat and danger. What purpose does this tall tale serve? Do you believe that I will admire you, fear you, or respect you? You had my respect, until the moment you thought I’d believe that crap. But I digress. Once again, I have no way to firmly prove that the words excreting from your mouth are indeed the counterfeit I know them to be.
It puzzles me as to why people actually do this. Perhaps they think that since there is no proof that it didn’t happen, it MUST have happened. Or maybe they just believe that everyone is foolish enough to believe those absurd lies. Either way, that’s one crazy rationale. You go ahead and enjoy it. I think they call it delusions of grandeur in psychiatric circles. Send me a line sometime from the asylum, I hear they have these nice padded rooms and these cool jackets, they’re really straight.
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