I...
I don't even know why I am bothering to write this s**t down. I guess my idiotic mind assumes all of this will somehow seem less horrid or go away all together if I release it somehow. But, the other part of me knows the truth, it just shows everyone how weak I really am. I don't really think that anything I actually do really has a decent result. And... I just feel... So alone in this world because it seems like anyone I trust just ends up being like everyone else; a liar. I try to steer clear of feeling emotion as much as I can, but... Sometimes I let it slip. Sometimes when I finally let myself feel... It then turns around and bites me in the a**. I actually wish I couldn't feel. It would make life so much more bearable. For anyone who has read the novel Brave New World... I'd love that. I'd love to be one of those people who goes by day to day thinking they have their own little world without any form of sorrow or regret. Yes, I know. So don't give me that psycho babble bullshit. I just... I can't take this anymore. I need to get out of here. I can't even cry anymore.. I want to... But I actually physically can't...
I need...
Out of my house.
Out of my school.
Out of this life...
I need...
Someone to hold me.. Who won't use me...
I need...
To find the Kat I know used to be here. The one who wanted to make everyone in the room smile because of her. The one who used to feel like she could make anyone laugh at any time. The one... who I've always wished I was..
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 Alucarda Incarnate · Wed Dec 13, 2006 @ 02:08am · 0 Comments |
