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Ive began to notice this. Little by little. I dont know when, but its all just...something I dont relate myself with. Ive always tried to keep my space between myself and other people, making sure they are at bay.But it dont seem to work anymore...no matter how hard it is that I try. Alone? Yeah, I want to be at times, but really, im just scared of letting myself get attached with people and them being aburden to them. Why I think that way...well to me...it is the truth. I need time to think things throught before I say or do something Ill regret later. Its kinda sad really. I know that I have matt and Kim...and tony and germ, but I dont really feel like I have any of them. Germ, I dont talk to him anymore, and its not like he will call me just to check up on me. Tony, well hes tony and he waits until i call him...that and apart from him still no having my number...<.< Matt, I like him and I feel that if i go to him and share what I think his opinion of me will change and he wont like me no more, you know? Its like, dang, if i screw up there goes someone I like a lot. i mean all these people are good, and they all have their own problems.....Sigh. I dont know. Jose has been around more lately, reminds me of this summer. but yeah at the same time i dont feel as comfortable as i used to with him. hmm, i dunno, well ima go and get in troubel at work. Ive been thinking a lot, and I want to dedicate myself to school fully, meaning i want to quit my job, but i still have to pay for it and I dont want to put that financial burden on the Leal family....so im freaking torn. I dont want to work anymore and yeah, worry abt school, you know? but at the same time, i know i need to have money to buy what i need. whch is all blah. grr. >.< I guess I should start being lees afraid. I should talk to kim and tony, and matt more...hmm, ill change that. hahaha, and guess what?
im 19 now!
 Talimsin · Thu Jan 04, 2007 @ 01:04am · 0 Comments |
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