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Mixed Feelings~ The Past Appologizes to The Future.
Hm, Today was another day like any other... (Did I phrase that right...? Whatever.) Well.. To start off, everyone was going to play tennis. I was reluctant to go because I don't do much but sit around and NOT play tennis... Yeah, only catch balls. Woo hoo... TToTT; As I said, reluctantly, I went but because I wanted to hang out with Amra, just because I feel like we haven't been hanging around much. I heard Flik was coming along as well and I guess Reddy felt a little "Eh" ish about it but Reddy went anyway. Blah blah, walked, got there, hung out. Another little spat between me And Flik started but it wasn't as big a deal, just pretty much me getting pissy at him for not haning out with us. (Side note: On that note, I Feel like I was sort of abandoned in some way for some reason when he PMed me over here about not wanting to hang out, eventually I got why he said that and I actually do understand completley and feel for him.) Yes, Reddy felt like that despite of Citrine's infulence or rather just my anger and spitefulness towards him and the way I feel about it. We eventually dropped the whole thing mostly because of Whisper calling me, I got a message where she and Akamura sounded very stressed and hurt and I finally got to my goddamn voicemail and answered her call. Turns out it was just a little mistake in translation and a joke Akamura said to her. We talked for a while and then everyone went to my apartment and hung out for a while. Heather left, Trell left until it was just me Firelord and Flik at my place. I didn't say much or really bothered due to having to finnish my commic D: But I guess what did break the ice more was Flik telling about some jackass over WoW trying to pathetically threaten Rini. I don't understand why people threaten eachother IRL, for STUPID MORONIC REASONS, And don't think about this: "Hey! Where the ******** does this guy live anyway?" Huh, lack of brain much? And THIS is comin' from ME.... -.-; But hey, life's full of morons. After that whole fiasco, he told us how he felt about the moron threatening her. In a way, I felt a little moved by it. A great moral for a man to have. Heh, Reddy only wishes that more men were like that, and if she had someone like that at the moment. I'd rather keep my head held high and not rely on my heart as much to be satisfied with someone else unless I have a chance at it... Can't let myself open up like that, and I could even keep fighting it... But not forever. [I guess I just want to be everything to someone... I hate to admit it, and I'll keep denying it and be stupid, but It won't happen, maybe it will... I have a chance right now... but I don't want to rely on my hopes to keep myself and spirit alive. Not until I feel its 'solid' to me... I suppose that lonliness is lingering there, waiting for me to burst out in tears and wish I could control my feelings and not have to rely on love or someone else to be with me to keep me happy... I don't want that to be my self-fufilling dream that makes it happily ever after. Hell... I'd want a robot instead for a lover... Because not only would I program it to make it the way I'd like to be, but because Its not real and I have other things to feel happy about... I don't know... All I can say is this on one part from a quote of an Ellegarden song : "Spaceships, Go ******** The Stars"... And my other side... "Love Conquers All, nomatter what" ... Although, I like someone... a lot... But I'm still a little worried if things will go all right... or if we'll meet. If I can't, then hell, cupid can shove his ********' arrows up his a** and I'll turn lesbian Heh!] Nightime came and both were staring to leave... Flik stayed and talked with us for a while and said a few other things I found to be kind and made me feel a little more relaxed. Well, I'll finnish this later... This is part of the story...
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