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well lets see- I'm still alive which is always an amazing defeat.

However I'm injured- have a bad left ankle and I twisted it, I get to get out of P.E. for some time I am happy! biggrin

fun stuffs, eeeeh I had a theatre preformance on March 13, 2005. It was awesome. I left a lipstick mark on my boys cheek and it took him a good minute to get rid of it. whee he didn't get all of it off and his dad noticed- it was highly amusing.

I of all people just realised how special I was to some people. Honeslty I've noticed that a lot of people I meet- I change their lives in some way. most of the time they say it's good. It's just this weird feeling to know that you have the power to change a persons life so drastically. Honestly, it's like how everyone loved Hitler. They all knew he was a cruely stupid man but he had something about him that made people love him. Some say it was his gaze some say it was the fact that he had charisma. I'd say I have charisma- however a lot of people say it's not just that. That there's more... and recently my friend when around asking other friends if they honeslty knew me to the core- and no one said that they could. I was amazed at how mysterious yet loved character I am. I don't try to be this way- it just comes out that way.
It's weird to live in this extremely bad way of life for as long as you can remember and then just suddenly realise that you are actually special. I've recently been trying to look at things I used to look at bad, in a good way, and I can see how others say that it's good. It's just, weird- just this weird thing about me... honestly I've noticed about myself that each day I have a different feeling about myself. Some days I feel confident and really caring and others I feel depressed and wanting to be alone. Maybe that's just my depression speaking but still- it's really weird to realise that you are special.

I've practically grown up thinking that I'm not loved, that I'm not special, that I deserve to day. And then all of a sudden in the past two weeks all these freinds start comming out and saying that if I ever left their lives it would be horrible- that it just wouldn't be the same at all, that I've had such a huge impact on their lives that I can't let my depression get the best of me, and honetly I try. I try my hardest, but sometimes it just doesn't work.
Its also kinda scary to know things will happen before they do. I know when somethings going to happen- I can just feel it. Maybe it's because I know life better than it knows itself. Most people used to look at me like I was crazy because of this- and I'm not saying that I'm not crazy, oh I know damn well I am biggrin . Every on eof my movements apparently goes through this- cycle of thoughts in this one quick second and it comes out perfect- I've realised that I'm different in more than the way that I thought I was.
Going back to the knowing things that are going to happen. Maybe I just listen well, I know what everything sounds like- what's a good tone, a bad tone. Maybe I know things I shouldn't - I dunno but I'm just more different then everyone. I'm not trying to make myself superior to everyone else I've just noticed this. I've just noticed that I'm special as I've said quite a few times now- and i'ts honestly scary.

I have nothing more to say i'm just going to bed and falling asleep with the content thought in my head that I do have a place- and that it's right here, on this world. Maybe I'm finally getting rid of my depression.