I pride myself...
No. Pride isn't the right word.
I don't break. I'm strong. I'm sturdy. The harshest winds could blow and I won't fall.
I do feel and I do cry. Just because I do that does not mean I crumble. Even thought my darkest times I keep myself held together. So many people depend on me I don't think I realize just how many people do.
"Stop! Just stop! Stop always saying that you are going to kill you're self!" Brandi's eyes start to tear up. "Don't you know how much people will miss you! How much we all will miss you! How much I will miss you! So please, just stop saying that." Then she ran over to me and hugged me.
I have to keep myself together so when others fall apart they can climb on me. To borrow my strength, wisdom, this secret source of courage that I have but can no access myself. They come to me for cheering up, entertainment, confidence, sanity, insanity. Whatever they need, I am some how able to give it to them.
All I ask for in return is a smile. That is all the payment I will never need.
My imagination is on over drive. I can't fall asleep, and when I get to sleep, I don't wake up. The things I see in my head are popping up more then usual. My vow of sobriety is going to end. I threw up today. I'm not eating. I can feel my legs start to not work.
