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Myspace Rants Episode 1: "The Rant I Wrote the Other Day" |
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I decided the other day to poke fun at most of the things I dislike about the usage of myspace by the ordinary teenager. Please don't take any of these things offending (because that's just wimpy), for this was written by me for entertainment purposes.
I may add more, I get ideas often.
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Remember now, you must repost this or else some clown will spawn by your bedside (of all places) and murder you brutally and get away with it, blah blah blah, and if you post this your crush will kiss you on Friday (of all days) or something like that. Just repost this damned chainletter.
Anyhoo:
Choose the clothing article (of all items... surely not referring to me being a pervert, oh no. Or an old guy stalker, you think the darndest things!) that contains the description that most suits you.
Pantie: I repost ruthless amounts of worthless bulletins in desperate attempts to get some idiot guy/girl to lay me, hoping the superstition will magically do all the work most men/women work so hard for.
Glove: I am depressed at the world because a girl I met in junior high/middle school didn't go out with me the first time I summoned up all my courage to ask, therefore I violate the respect she deserves for making her choice by threatening to kill myself and hopefully making her feel the pain I felt.
Bra: Every time I get a badly taken webcam photo of the same old "peace sign" crap I make sure to whore out the bulletin space by posting thousands of bulletins asking for people to give me compliments.
Smudged Glasses: I make sure that nothing I type consists of correct grammar or punctuation and is literally an eyesore for most people to read. Nor can I distinguish the difference between "Done" and "Finished", or "Well" and "Good". (Believe me idiots, there's a difference. Check the dictionary.)
Stained Briefs: My highest level of modern-day verbal weaponry consists mainly of the words "gay", "f*****t", and "********". I make sure to pick on anything/anyone I do not like, and make false claims about their love life depending on the hatred towards them/their work. Overusing swear words? Are you ******** kidding me ********?
Thong: I post everything I say in a bulletin, including worthless notes such as "I'm going to bed now, good night." or "Jacob, you're such a jerk." Then when someone asks about it, I say "Stay out of my business", even though I'm fully aware that the message I put up was sent to everyone on my friendslist. I also love to put up tons of completed surveys addressing every little bit about me, from my favorite color to my virginity and call anyone a stalker/creep/pervert for reading it and learning something about you.
Blood-Stained Sleeves: I write a bunch of bad poetry, usually addressing complete and total depression, or death resulted when waiting for a boy/girl to save his/her life by loving him/her. I never post any pictures of myself looking happy, rather a bunch of weird ones with the camera held at a strange angle and bad lighting. I call myself "expressive", but really, I should just live a little more and stop loathing the world and everything.
Ripped Jeans: Whenever I see anyone that gives off an outward appearance of being strange/unusual, I tend to loathe him/her due to him/her not fitting in with the crowd. I look down upon originality, and call people weird who often do the same things I do.
Retainer/Braces: I talk very loudly and often, making sure than when I want attention, I get it. Usually what I have to say is some joke referring to one another's sexual orientation or something they watched on tv the night prior. My sentences are littered with fowl language, and I make rude remarks about anyone/anything I tend to not like. I help rumors spread very quickly.
Contacts: I never really get to know people I crush on, or plan to, I just wanna get in their bed and have sex with them. They're hot, so obviously they'll offer a good time, and that's the reason humans exist---to have a good time.
Shoes: I buy all the brand-name clothes, whether it's a living hell to wear or not. If it looks good, it is good. I tend to become frustrated when no one notices my latest threads*, because it had cost me $300.00 to get them.
*More appropriate name needed
Stained Tank-Top: I push around people who are smaller/weaker/smarter/have more of a life than me. Usually because I have nothing more to do with my sad life, am an a*****e, am jealous that he/she gets better grades than I and probably has more of a chance of getting a well-paid job later in life. All my attacks consist of swear words and low-down insults, all of course typical and unoriginal. A bunch of people get annoyed of me, but I don't ******** care. They're all retards. I make sure never to close my mouth when I am in a dormant state, I'd rather leave it hanging open and promote my "stupid" reputation. I never make frontal attacks or offer warnings, and I never let my victim come up with any defenses because I never shut up.
Remember, repost this or you will die tonight by a clown. And uh, your crush will kiss you, on, Friday. yea.
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 SmashLord Spoon · Wed Aug 22, 2007 @ 06:44pm · 0 Comments |
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