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I woke up in a cold sweat. Glancing at the clock I saw it read 4:34 am. Definitely one of the weirdest dreams I’d had in a while. In it, I had been taking care of babies, who’s they were I don’t know. That part was fine; I had nothing against taking care of babies. It was the end of the dream that had shaken me. Hardly able to remember it, all that came to mind was they were dying – all of the babies, being taken away by some cruel cause. There was one I’d been particular too, why I wasn’t sure, but it had been the last to die. It was brutally ripped from my arms, death somehow strangling it as he vanished before my eyes. Why that dream had such an impact, I wasn’t sure, but it spooked me.

I fell back into a shaky sleep, waking multiple times before I gave up at 9:00 and got up. On my way to the bathroom I stopped and looked at my calendar. My eyes widened slightly. Somehow, in my two and a half weeks of sitting around doing nothing, I’d failed to notice I was late. Panic struck me instantly. This had never happened before, maybe a day or so, but never more than two weeks. My mind flashed back to the night of the party. Fear and realization crept over me, making me weak. I made my way to the chair, taking deep breathes. I wanted to believe it wasn’t true, and even though I had no other evidence other than my being late, I couldn’t deny what I was sure I knew.

Once I got some strength back I made my way downstairs to my parents bedroom. Luckily they were away at a meeting with their accountant, I had a while to myself. As soon as I entered their bathroom I reached the cupboard and started pulling open the drawers. I found what I was looking for in the fourth drawer I’d yanked open and rummaged through the contents. With shaking hands I removed a pregnancy test from a box.

Minutes later I stood in the middle of the bathroom, eyes squeezed shut. I could not make myself look at it. I wanted to know, but it was as if I already knew what it would tell me. Still not daring to look at it I made my way back to my room and nearly fell onto my bed. I could not delay it any longer; I needed to know. A trembling hand brought the test into my view. I stifled a gasp, letting out a small squeak instead. My suspicions had been confirmed. The positive sign stared back at me.

I didn’t react the way I thought I would. Knowing the truth had helped to calm me. Sure, I was worried, afraid, but how could I not be? I was seventeen… and I was pregnant. I didn’t want this to happen. I thought of my parents. What would they do? Their reactions could not even begin to be guessed. Right now I did know one thing though; I needed to tell Tim. I wasn’t telling him a thing until my parents knew, however, and I knew what I was going to do about it.

Lying back on my bed I must have fallen asleep because I woke again to the sound of the door closing downstairs. I knew couldn’t hold off telling my parents, they would know something was the matter instantly. There was no hiding it. I didn’t want to hide this from them anyway; I was scared. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror and fixed my appearance, just so that it wasn’t blatantly obvious something was wrong. I descended the stairs again and tried to put on a smile when I saw them. I knew I couldn’t take away the look in my eyes – my mom knew instantly something was wrong. She didn’t say anything however, and put her stuff away.

“How’d it go at the accountants?” I asked, trying not to let my voice shake. It came out quieter then I wanted, which earned me another concerned look from my mom. Dad, however seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

“It went fine.” Mom smiled; worry filling her eyes. I knew then I hadn’t disguised myself well enough. Then again, my mom had always been able to read me like a book.

Dad nodded in agreement and took his stuff into his office. Probably going over the papers for the new house.

“Alexis, honey, are you alright?” she asked me, walking up to me. I looked away, almost ashamed.

“Mom…” the word came out shaky, drawing tears to my eyes. Her eyes widened.

“What’s wrong? Alexis, tell me please.”

“I… I have to… show you something. I… I’m…” but the words would not form. Turning I headed back up the stairs to my room, knowing that mom was right behind me. I reached her room before she did and picked up the test, hiding it in my hands. Tears were now pouring down my cheeks.

I heard her enter, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prepare myself for her reaction. I was unable of course, not knowing what to expect. Turning, I looked down the hand that concealed all the words necessary right now. Mom looked at my hand to see what I was looking at, and instantly knew. She didn’t need to see what was on it. Obviously, someone would not make this big of deal about a pregnancy test that showed negative.

“Oh… honey. When… how…” Questions swam on the tip of her tongue, but who sentences seemed not to form. Seconds later something dawned on her. “That party.” She whispered. Opening her eyes that had been squeezed shut, I saw tears glistening, threatening to fall. I sat on my bed, unable to stand. Instantly she was by my side, hugging me, rocking me back and forth gently as she had when I was younger and was sick.

“Your father doesn’t know?” I shook my head.

“I just found out this morning.”

“So… who’s…?” Her question was obvious.

I nearly choked on his name. “Tim.” I finally managed. My mom knew him well.

“…Samantha’s boyfriend?”

“Ex, boyfriend.” I corrected her grabbing a tissue.

“I see… and you haven’t told him, either I’m assuming.”

“How could I? I have no form of communication. Besides… I wanted to tell you first, before I told him. Figure out what… what I’m going to do.”

“Of course. Well, I suppose we might as well go tell your dad. I don’t know how he’s going to take it.”

“Mom?” I asked, wiping away some tears.

“Yes?” She paused while she was getting up and sat back down.

“What are you thinking? How do you feel about it?”

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m not mad, if that’s what you think. I can’t be mad at you. I’m not happy about it, though I suppose you probably aren’t too pleased about the situation either; I know this isn’t how you planned your life. You didn’t plan this, honey, I’m just sorry you have to go through this now.” She hugged me again. “Come on.” She stood and took my hand. Slowly we made our descent to dad’s office. Mom knocked softly and opened the door. I took a deep, shaky breath.

“Dad?” I asked, trying to control my voice. He looked up at me and immediately became alarmed at the sight of my tears.

He glanced between my mom and I. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He stood from behind his desk and came up to us, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Is it the move?”

“No, Dad, it’s not that. It’s…” I looked at my mom for reassurance. She nodded at me, telling me to continue. “I… at the party I…” I glanced at my hand, still clutching my pregnancy test. I dropped it as my hands flew to my face to hide the new set of tears cascading down my face. “Dad, I’m pregnant.” I managed to squeak between sobs. I didn’t have it in me to look at his face to see his reaction.

He gently pried my hands away from my face and put his arms around me. Mom came and put her arms around us as well; we stayed like that for a few minutes. When we finally broke apart dad bent down to pick up the test I had dropped. After he stared at it for a while I very much wished for him to speak, although from what I could tell from the look on his face, he wasn’t angry. Or, was at least very good at hiding it. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

“Dad…?”

He sighed, and then spoke. “Well first, who’s the father?”

“Tim, you know, Samantha’s… well, now ex-boyfriend.” I replied.

He fell silent again for a few moments, and then spoke again. “What are you going to do?” I hadn’t given it much thought.

“I… I don’t know, really. I haven’t given it much thought…” I looked back and forth between them, wishing I could read their minds. “I guess… I guess I’ll tell Tim.” I said quietly.

“Maybe you should wait a day, honey. Give yourself time to think about it.” Mom told me. I nodded and sat down. “You should rest, Alex.”

“I just woke up when you came home, I’m fine. Really” I added when she looked with concern at me.

“Alex, do you see why we didn’t want you to go to that party?” Dad asked.

I glared at him through tears. “Honestly, Dad. You could not have predicted this was going to happen. That is unless you don’t trust me, and assumed I would do something stupid.” I shot coldly at him.

”I’m just saying -” He started, but Mom put a hand on his arm, quieting him. I stood, and after giving her a thankful look, stalked out of the room. Of course he would judge me. He always said he knew something was going to happen. I went to my room and collapsed on my bed.

How was I going to tell Tim? I had known him for a long time, but ever since him and Samantha had started going out I hadn’t really spoken to him that much. He’d hurt me; he’d known I liked him when he’d said yes to Samantha, knowingly hurting me. I had never fully forgiven Samantha for doing this to me, but I knew that what I’d done didn’t make us even. It would hurt her even more now that I was pregnant with his child. A fresh batch of tears fell freely down my face now. How could I ever live up to what I’d done? How could I tell Samantha? More importantly… how could I tell Tim? I had no idea how he would react, but if he were like any of the other guys I knew, he would run off and not own up to his actions, leave me to deal with the baby by myself. That stung even more.

I must have been more tired then I thought, because the next time I looked at my clock it was three in the morning. I was still wearing my clothes, but someone had come in and pulled the blankets over me. I went and changed, and washed. When I lay back down on my bed, it took a little longer for sleep to wash over me. Finally my eyes stayed closed and I fell into a dreamless sleep.
When I woke up the next morning I was about to walk into the kitchen when I heard the hushed voices of my parents.

“What are we going to do?” I heard my mom say, sounding like she was on the edge of tears.

“I don’t see how she could have let this happen.” Dad said. I frowned. Was he still at it? Why couldn’t he understand like mom?

“Don’t be hard on her, it could have happened to anyone.”

“But it happened to her.”

“It happened, to us.” I had already known that my mom had had me when she was 18, earlier then she had wanted, but she had still been able to lead the life she had always wanted, she just had to put things off a little longer. In the long run though, her life had turned out great. I entered the kitchen and their words immediately stopped.

“I know I’m grounded,” I started, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl, “but can I at least leave to go tell Tim? I don’t want to call him… it doesn’t seem right.”

“Of course you can, Alex. I understand how important this is. When were you going to go?” Mom said, fiddling with her napkin nervously. I had a feeling something she wanted to say something else, but she never did. Dad was being unusually quiet on the situation, although I had a feeling anything he would want to say would be negative, and mom had probably told him to comfort me, not treat me like a criminal.

“Soon, I think. Maybe I’ll phone him and ask him to meet me somewhere, instead of going to his house.”

“Good idea. Just don’t stay out too long, please. Remember you are still grounded.” Dad finally spoke up.

“Come on Dad, seriously. Like I really feel like going anywhere right now. Honestly.” I said, a bit coldly. I turned and left the room to get ready for leave.

Emerging from my room a little while later my stomach twisted itself in knots as though I had just realized what I was about to do. Dad was nowhere in sight, for which I was grateful, but Mom was sitting in the den. She stood when I appeared in the doorway, telling her I was leaving. As she stood up I walked over to her and put my arms around her, trying to hold back my tears.

“I’m meeting him in the coffee shop down town,” I paused when she pulled back and raised her eyebrows, I knew why so I continued. “It’s not usually that busy, but being in a public place means he can’t make too much of a scene.” She nodded.

“Good idea. Good luck, honey.” She hugged me again and I walked out the door.

I arrived at the coffee shop about 5 minutes ahead of schedule, but I went in and waited anyway. The waitress brought me a drink and was refilling it about ten minutes later when Tim walked in. He looked a little nervous; he didn’t know what I had wanted to talk to him so urgently about, but I assumed he thought it was about that night at the party.

“Hey,” he said, sliding into the seat across from me, looking me in the eye only briefly before looking quickly away, “so, uh, what did you want to talk to me about?” After telling the waitress he didn’t want anything he finally looked me in the eye. I had a hard time holding his gaze.

“Well, I think you may know… what this has to do with.” I started. From the look in his eyes I knew he was thinking about the party. Also from the look of it though, he wasn’t thinking about the consequences of what happened at the party.

“I don’t really know how to say this… Tim, I…” Tears welled up in my eyes. Tim’s face went from nervous to shocked at the sight of my tears.

“Alexis, what -? Did Samantha do something…?” But I shook my head.

“No, she didn’t do anything. I actually haven’t spoken to her since. It’s… something else. Tim, I’m… pregnant.” The last word came out in a whisper, and for a moment I wasn’t sure if he’d heard. I put my hands over my eyes to cover my tears.

“You… you’re… we…” Unable to form a coherent sentence he shut his mouth and thought for a moment, shock gripping him.

“Yes.” I managed to gasp between sobs. The few people in the shop were looking my way at the sight and sound of my sobs. “Can we go somewhere else please?” I whispered, now thinking it a bad idea to come here. He nodded gratefully and stood. Before I could offer protest he told me to wait outside, that he’d pay for my stuff.

Exiting the coffee shop I wiped away my tears and stood awkwardly on the sidewalk, waiting for him to come out. When he did we headed to the park in silence.

“So, what are you, uh, going to do about this?” He asked as he sat on a park bench.

“Me? I… what do you think?” I asked, sincerely hoping he wasn’t going to leave me. Then again, I was leaving, and I remembered he didn’t know that. “And, I guess I should tell you first, I’m moving in a month.”

He squinted into the sun, and then turned to look at me. “Alexis, I really don’t know what to do. Obviously I can’t be of much help to you if you’re moving. I’m sorry, but I really don’t know. Do your parents know?”
“Yes, they do. I told them yesterday… after I found out. I know you don’t want to help me, you’re probably extremely grateful that I’m leaving, that way people may never find out about this. It’s all good for the you… you’re not stuck with the consequences. I guess it’s lucky for you I’m leaving.”

“Alex, it’s not that, it’s just -”

“No, Tim, forget about it. Go on and live your life like nothing ever happened. Forget about me. And our child.” I added after a moments pause. He started to protest again but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want him to be the father of my child, I didn’t love him. “I can’t do this, Tim. I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll talk to you sometime later. If I remember, maybe I’ll send you a picture. Bye, Tim.” I started to walk off but before I was out of hearing range he said something again.

“I’m sorry, Alexis. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” His voice was merely a whisper to me now, and I continued to walk away, pretending I didn’t hear. I didn’t want him to see the tears falling fast down my face.