I’m…
Empty.
I’m…
Lost.
I’m…
Bereft.
I’m…
Completely eclipsed.
Why does this world hold no color?
No shine of sunlight seems to lift
The darkness slowing flooding my eyes.
My body…
Is a shell.
I am no woman,
I am the shell of a woman.
My senses have collapsed.
All forms of pleasure seem to have elapsed.
There are still moments now and then,
But right now I can’t remember when.
I…
Can…
Still…
Feel…
I feel as though I’m being bled dry.
Draining.
Am I alive?
All systems functioning properly.
Not even dust gives my insides company.
I feel as though my senses have shut down.
“We’re proud of you.”
I could care less.
“We love you.”
So what?
“We know you can do it.”
It’s no longer a matter of can,
My need, my motivation, my demand…
Is gone.
They smile.
They play.
They laugh.
They love.
I wear a mask…
Again?
I thought I’d burned it.
I’ve worked so hard…
Only to be conquered by my demons yet again.
Should I let them engulf me?
Should I completely surrender?
I no longer care about my number of defenders.
I…
Am…
Empty.
I’m…
Lost.
I’m…
Bereft.
I’m…
Completely eclipsed.
Do I flee?
Is that the only way I can ever be free?
I don’t feel fear,
But I know that I should.
This was the pretext to the Demon…
I thought I’d destroyed her.
Every now and then I can still hear her.
Laughing at me…
And every now and then,
When I look into the mirror at night.
I can still see her,
But I took my knife of choice,
Coated in the sweat of my triumph
And gouged her eyes out.
She cannot see me.
I am not the one she took hold of.
I am stronger.
I am myself,
And no one else.
I feel as though I’m stuck,
Like a gambler,
Ran out of luck;
But still keeps playing the game.
Am I still playing because there is nothing else to do?
Am I just…
Another pawn, after all?
Have I become what I despise?
I thought I’d found a way to destroy all the lies.
These words
That this tongue of poetry possesses.
This vision
That these eyes hold.
That touch…
Is it what’s keeping me alive?
How can I survive…?
If I no longer care?
I’ve studied what I must bear,
But even now…
Those peaceful moments where…
I know that I care…
Seem to have become an event…
Oh so rare.
 Alucarda Incarnate · Sun Jan 20, 2008 @ 10:32pm · 0 Comments |
