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Things are so blaargh

My mind is all over the place and I had to make a 'list' about the things I want to do over the next year. I hate it when things get like that and I have to list things out to clear my mind. Basically I can only plan up until my graduation and then around May 09 I'll know if I'll be heading back to the US or not.

But everything elseee. I neeed to take the JLPT this December..I want to take漢検準２級 this Oct...Maybe 色彩検定 in November...and maybe 映画検定 May 09? Then I want to apply to random schools...but that is a year a away.

And I feel like a b*****d about the housing situation. I was passive aggressive and sent the realtor and email in English explaining I couldn't go through the contract..they freaked out that it was in English and called my school to contact me. So I emailed them in my crappy Japanese. They havn't replied. And now my school feels slightly guilt tripped (as they rightly should be) for not getting on my student loan earlier because thats the WHOLE reason I couldn't move into this place...

But I think things with Jaime's place are coming along? I get the contract tomorrow to take to the school...then I pay money. Its a lot of money. And I owe Celine money. I seriously think my cash will be running on fumes by the time I head back to America.

And I leave in like 9 friggin days! Aaah. Maybe I should stop blogging and start packing...but I can't get too much done cuz I still use things here daily...I'll start panicking/packing this weekend.

Hmm. Blogging clears my head.

I want to apply to 東京映画美学校. If I get in then I want to apply to 早稲田. And I want to apply to NYU. Or maybe I'd do two years at 東京映画.
But if I don't get in there I'll just go to SAC and apply to NYU. If I had money maybe I'll fly back here to sit for 早稲田？

I dunno thats whats running through my head but it is a yeeearr away.

Its like..I wanna leave...then I wanna stay. No joke I feel like this country is like that island on LOST and I'm so scared that once I resolutely leave I'll be screaming "I have to go baaaack!!!" So thats why I'm trying to 'squeeze in' what I can here. Cuz I mean I'm gonna have a dead year anyway..so why not do it here? I'd have to have a job..thus the JLPT...and my mind goes in a loop again...

The end I need to do 漢字 cuz I didn't do it this morning..