its been a while since i wrote in here so i decide i would be different. and its a bit harder now to express my feelings because there is so many and like the title of this journal says the feeling of nothingness.
Life has not been the same since august. i've not been able to think of anything except for my love and other stuff that's going on in my life.
Ever since my love on moved i've been though a lot. i've cried, sang, wrote, thought, walked. nothing seems to be working to get this feeling in my heart to go away no matter what i do i can't get rid of it. and it is because my loved one moved away. have u heard the saying, "u never apperciate it until its gone," well i'm experienceing that right now. i've been thinking of all the good times i had with my friends that are closer to my heart then anything else. and my love on is the closes to my heart.
it doesn't matter how much i talk to him or tell him my feelings to him i can't get the hole in my heart filled. no matter how had i try to be happy i can't. i try with all my might to be happy trust me i do but nothing happens. i know that my loved one wants me to be happy while he's away but i don't think that i will get over him leaving me. i know its only because of the darn military but its still really hard to know that ur loved one is out of arms reach even though he's in spirt right by ur side. its still so lonely.
this is where the feeling of nothing comes in. i can't feel pain, sadness, anger, joyfulness, the good times in life, nothing. my feelings are in an empty glass. i can't think of anything and i'm totoally not myself. i've completely changed since my loved one left. i feel so empty and lonely in my soul. and i've had a little glimpse of how i used to be, but its not the same and it probably won't ever be the same again.
as i stated in the last entire with me being able to see my soul. i have never really acknowledge it before that dreadful day. and now everyday i see it when i space out i see her crying in the same corner and the box she is in is getting full of water from how much she's crying.
Too all my friends who moved over the summer that read my journal. i miss u guys terribly and wish that i can always be with u all again. and i love u all and always will. and that goes especially to u too bob. i'll never forget the good times we all had and i wish that everything can be the same as it used to be. i love u all and always will. u will always be in my heart, mind and soul. and i hope that i will be the same in ur eyes.
well i think i'll leave it here for now although i have a ton more to talk about but i think this will be good for now. and until next time farewell.
 Nelliel_Odelschwanck_Ume · Mon Sep 29, 2008 @ 08:02pm · 1 Comments |
