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After the whole "ignore@Clarence" thing, he called me a few times in a row,
The next day.

I was sorta confused on what to think of that;

Why on EARTH would HE care if I ignore him?
I mean, he's happy now, right?
He's got the guy,
He's got the friends,
And he's got nothing to stop him.
What could he be missing?

Me, apparently.

He told me that he doesn't want me to push him away,
Because of how he's "done nothing wrong".

Trying to think back,
Was everything just all in my head?
I mean,
What reasons did I really have to hate him?

When asked about it on the phone,
I completely forgot them.

I had a whole list of things,
But they always just vanish when I'm talking to him.
I don't understand.

I asked him why he cares for me to talk to him or not,
And he answered with "I really don't know."

Last night, I stayed at Garrett's house,
And I got another call from Clarence.
[[Another, because he had called me like, 3 times the day before.]]

I talked to him for about an hour, I'd say,
Maybe 30 minutes at the earliest.
In any case, he and I discussed our reasons for these things,
And he admitted that he still liked me.
And that he wasn't over me.

Why wouldn't he be?
He's been dating Dominique for a hell of a long time now,
And Dominique told me how Clarence said that their relationship was the first "Real" one he's had.
I mean,
What am I supposed to think?

Is he just pulling my leg, to maybe get between them,
Or is he being serious,
And he really does want me back?

I don't even know how I feel on the subject anymore.
I've gone from hating to loving to hating again so many times,
I don't know if I can picture us being together. :/

I mean,
Seeing him at the Leo Club table at the Fair our town had recently,
I only saw his faults.
I only noticed the bad things.

I don't know if I can focus on the positive on him anymore.

And besides!
I'm still getting closer to Bryderick!
He and I are the ones who should be dating...
Right?

Although, he did say he didn't want to date anyone for a while..
And..I don't know if I'd be able to wait much longer.. D:

But, I mean,
He's so sweet.
And...Just so nice. D:

Oh, and Darius and I decided it's best to stay as friends.
We're good together,
But it's just not right.
I'm kinda glad, honestly.
The last thing I need right now is to be pining after 3 guys at once. D:

Buuuuuuut,
In any case,
I've been so confused these past few days,
I don't know what I'm going to do.

I guess I'll just give up and stop pushing Clarence.
Let him get closer,
And see where things go.

I'll continue getting closer with Bryderick, too,
And I'll see who gets to me first, I suppose. :///////

Oh.
And I have a bit of a horror story, too. D:
Dominique sent me a message on Myspace yesterday.
And it scared me. D:

[[Read from bottom to top.]]
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥?YOU?TELL?ME?♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 1:07 AM
yeah

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 1:12 AM

D:
I hope you feel better soon.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥?YOU?TELL?ME?♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 1:07 AM

IM ABOUT TO START CRYIN NOW.
IDK. I'LL TALK TO YOU ANOTHER
TIME, IM JUST UGH.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 1:05 AM

He probably went to bed..
./////.

Maybe you're overracting.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥******** IT ALL♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:58 AM

ugh! idk, i just, yeah i'll try tomorrow.
i cant even think well or anything.
im just all f**ked up rite now though.
well i'm about to go to sleep because
since no one is calling me, or said bye
before he left to go home, and is bing a
ugh!! nevermind, he actually is showing you more attention
than he is to me. and thats just even more ugh..nevrmind
just do what you do. ttyl.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:54 AM

DDDDD:

That's definitely not good.
Tell your mom about this, if you haven't already.

It sounds to me like you should just take a break from everything for a little while. D:
Like, just drop everything if possible.

My friend Garrett was going through a bunch of crap, so he just took a day off for his sanity, and it really helped him.
I'd suggest you try doing something like that.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥UGH!!! IM ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM THIS STRESS!♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:46 AM

no i dont think so.
im sorry, im just not
"ME" I GUESS, i just
fell like "******** s**t"
PHYSICALL, MENTALLY, EMOTINALLY
AND SPIRITUALLY!!!! GOD!!! WTF!
I KANT SLEEP, I GOT TO SLEEP @ LIKE
1AM AND WAKE UP AT LIKE 6AM THRU 8.
IDK, I JUST WANNA CRY FOR SOME REASON
I JUST FEEL LIKE "NOT ME"
UGH. IDK WHAT TO DO.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:42 AM

I get what you mean;
But that's not nearly what we're doing.
I think our longest conversation recently was like, 20 minutes.

omg.
You sound terrible. D:
Are you getting enough sleep?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, QUIT TALKIN THAT DUMB s**t♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:36 AM

well it's just that i feel like s**t lately
and idk why..i just feel like i wanna throw
up for some reason, like i'm just dead.

i reall hope you and him can be friends
i dont know why you and him just stopped,
but i hope yall can wrk out the friendship
thing though.

i saw him on the phone like three times
but he would just walk away, why dont
he just tell me he calls you?
He thinks im just jealous all day
and im not. its okay to have fiends,
but if you stay on the phone 24/7
you mite as well be dating. hell

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:32 AM

Meh.
A few times yesterday,
But that was because I hung up on him.
And once twice today.
I guess he really wants to be friends. :/

Now, what's going on? D:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, QUIT TALKIN THAT DUMB s**t♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:26 AM

hold on....so he called you?
how many times. im not mad just ryna
figure something out here.

i'll tell you

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:23 AM

I...

I don't really know anymore.
He called me and broke me down,
Trying to figure out why.

I'm just confused on everything right now. :/

What kinds of stuff, if you don't mind me asking?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, QUIT TALKIN THAT DUMB s**t♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:19 AM

ugh. idk.
just shitty, im going
thru some s**t.

calrence told me that
you told him that
you hate him...why is this?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: timiniminy♥
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:14 AM

Ugh.
Trying to figure everything outtt.

You?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♂♂♥BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, QUIT TALKIN THAT DUMB s**t♥♀♀
Date: Oct 5, 2008 12:13 AM

HEY, WHATS UP.
SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN
UP TO?

Clarence told me on the phone that I could tell all of this to Dominique,
But I said no,
Because this is just something I couldn't do to him.
Obviously, though,
He suspects something's up,
And I'm getting worried for him.

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