It hurts so much to not think of us as two anymore. Not connected anymore. We're separate people now...and I never noticed how much I relied on him until I lost him. Of course the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" is true. but no, i just couldn't believe that. i took everything for granted. every word, every touch, every hug, everything....and now I'm left alone to wonder why this happened. Why did he go? Why didn't he stay? Why did he break my heart again? I wish I could say I hate him...I want to say I hate him as much as I hate myself...but even if I did say that, I could never hate him. And that's what I really hate. No matter what he does to me I cant hate him...and I cant stop loving him...this hurts...so much. I cant even explain in words how much it hurts...
It feels like I've lost everything and now all I feel is pain...agony...loneliness...everything that I wish I never would have to feel again. I swear one of these days I'm going to break...I cant take this. I cant, I cant, I cant! without him there's nothing, nothing at all. why don't people understand that?!?!? without him I'm nothing! I'm nothing at all...I cant even be my without him...sad isn't it? i need him to survive and now...well my last ray of hope just disappeared...i want to give up so badly...dammit! why is this happening?
i dont know what to write at the moment. i can barely see the computer screen...just like i can barely see anything else anymore...everything's a big haze. nothing's clear anymore. well i'm not sure if i'm actually going to make it...i'm sorry guys. i know i'm a failure...and i'm sorry for letting you guys down. you deserve so much better. you really do. so yea...if i'm not back for awhile...yea...i'm sorry...i cant say it just hope you get the picture. bye guys, love you so very much
 miroku fan 101 · Fri Oct 17, 2008 @ 01:12am · 0 Comments |
