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i feal so vulnerable rite now, even just writing this with others around is hard for me, i feal so open.. and easy to hurt.. it makes me wonder, am i always this vulnerable? it's scary.. to think i could be this weak.. maby i've just been fooling myself, i knew i was insacure about my body and such things.. but this is on a whole nother level...
i'm always walking around, acting to tough, and arrogant. i even fooled myself? where did that confidence come from? more importantly.. where did it go...
why am i so weak?... all i can think is 'don't let others see you like this!' im such a coward.. and i'm so ******** up to the point that.. even i didn't notice it..
was i always this weak?... how can i get stronger? someone...please...tell me!

is it wrong for me to wanna cry out rite now?
"someone save me!"
or "someone help me!"
in the end, for me it is wrong. cause i've never been a friend to anyone
someone like me who's weak and cruel doesn't deserve sympathy

so weak that the only way i can get a-hold of myself rite now, is to beat myself down...
it's working, i'm calming down.. and i'm not scared anymore
but will i continue to do this my whole life?
how lonely...
(you deserve it- is what i tell myself, and it's not a lie-
in the end i do deserve it, the pain calms me down, the same thing i hate, helps me....
seriously ******** up..


(remember future-self, your not as strong and great as you seem to think you are
when it's all said and done.. you are just a weak little Brat, and no matter how big you talk, till you realize how small you are, you'll never get stronger)