Diary,
Last night was a night to cherish forever. Me and Youssef had a magical evening together. I never felt this way about anyone before. I wish to see him tonight. I pray to God that I can. I wonder if he knows just how much I miss him today, my little cuppy-cake is at school at the moment. I, however, am at home. I am going in late. I didn't want to go to Biology today. I end up falling asleep in the class all the times as it is.
My profile has a new appearance, as does my avatar. This is temporary until I begin to feel better of myself. I already made plans to change everything back to the way it was, or improve it to fit that of a heavenly angel, and not a undead one. I still believe I am an angel, however my approach on it has frozen to a dull roar. I am a very sweet, caring, nice, considerate, fun girl. Honestly I am. Im not trying to flatter myself here. But, deep within me is complete darkness... anger... emptiness... fear.... and at times I feel as if my heart has turned to ice.
I am a very sweet and wonderful girl (so I've been told and starting to believe myself), yet I have such suffering and pain. I usually hide it with smiles, laughter, giggles, singing and such around others. And I've been able to fool even myself. When I stop and think, the pain then comes back.
Lots of the time when Im very sad (Im not being dramatic) my chest starts to hurt right where my heart should be. I said should be because Youssef already has my heart heart heart heart I can't understand why my chest aches when Im sad.
My friend told me its abuse... I told her I was never abused before. She explained abuse can be both physical and emotional. And that when I feel sad, the pain of that emotional abuse comes back. Im not sure if thats what she is truly referring to though.... Alas, I have nothing more to say on the matter.
Tonight, I am hoping to see Youssef. And possibly go on a minature dinner date for a change. Then go back to IMVU. Last night we went on there and sat at the sunset. So many of the words he told me last night are still buzzing around in my head. Last night truly was a night to remember.
When I see him for the first time, I know I'll have an urge to kiss him, but I won't. I'll save our first kiss for our first date heart Make double the magic in one night. I have to go now Diary, its time for me to go to school.
Until tomorrow beckons,
Farewell Diary
Snow-Crystal Angel~
NakatamiHigurashi Community Member 
|
|
