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Entry fourty-seven: I wonder. |
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What happens after death? I don't ever wish to know. But I fear the end is upon me. Life isn't always graceful, and it isn't the smooth road that some people wish it to be. There are a lot of people out there who have it much worse than I do. But I just simply do not know anymore. Some days, I just wish to cradle myself within the darkness. To hide from the light of day. Other days, I thrive for the sun. The days I wish to frolic in the trees. And on some, I just want it to rain. Just rain for rain's sake so I could listen to the rolling thunder. I've had my days when I wanted to die. Today is not one of those days, and I never would like to die. But I wonder what it feels like to die. Recently, my father has become... Bipolar. He can be funny and energetic, then snap into the abusive father that I fear and want to run away from. And when he's the latter, my mother doesn't help. My brothers... I hardly see my elder, but my younger I see almost all day. He doesn't think before he speaks or acts. And he just doesn't get that some of the things he says hurts. "Can't you ever take a joke?!" No. I can't. Because it seemed like it was real. You don't get, little brother, that I've taken that kind of a beating since kindergarten. Ah, I remember kindergarten. Everyone was so carefree and oblivious to the real world- except for a select few, like I was. I seemed stupid because I could say complicated words in sentences and know what they meant. And was teased for it. By the third grade, I could read at a ninth grade level. By sixth, I could read at a college level. Meanwhile, everyone else was withering away their lives with texting and making fun of me and the other smart ones. Just because we were different. But see- that's the thing. Everyone is different. What would happen if we were all the same? I'm one that doesn't wish to know. Everyone is scared of new ideas, but I'm scared of old ones. A new idea this world has seen is trying to use your brain for once. I hardly see it anymore. I always see it in my friends and in some students I don't know- and for that, I am so incredibly proud to have friends like that. High school is a prison, a hell for creative minds. So many of my so-called friends from last year changed into the bitches that everyone seems to hate. I don't hate though- I simply dislike them. At least I can still find a redeeming quality in some people. But I don't get why high school has to be such a cruel place. It seems as though everyone's against each other. Did you ever notice how the real popular people are nice, yet the wannabes are bitches? Gives you a whole new perspective on things. The only reason people are like that is because they're spoiled little brats. Their parents are trying to make them into the image that they never were. So, their children are cruising through high school without a care. The kids think that their life is always going to be like this. Boy, are they in for a surprise when college comes around. So to my point. I wonder why people who recognize what the real world is like never did anything about this? Are they afraid that they'll be put down, or hurt, or nobody will like them? If they had true friends, they'd be able to chain together and show everyone what it's like. I've had to deal with this almost going through it alone. When I try to make a stand, I stand alone. But I feel like that makes me stronger- "the strongest man in the world is the one who stands most alone." I'm not alone, though. My friends realize what it's like. We just need to work a little harder to improve things.
Life will never be perfect. Never has been, and it isn't perfect for anyone.
XxFragmented_RealityxX · Thu Jun 18, 2009 @ 03:58pm · 0 Comments |
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