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Entry one-5.2: Diary of the Dead |
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November 1, 2009. 14:02hrs. "She died." No. No. No. She couldn't have. Not my best friend. This is a dream, right? Yeah.. a dream. Only a dream. She can't be dead. Not Chelsea. I couldn't believe it. You promised me you wouldn't die, not without me! We made a promise.. that we would go out together, senior year. Why did you have to break it? 23:48hrs Bottle of vodka in my left hand... miscellaneous pills scattered to my right side. Pick out a few pills, get them down with a shot of the fiery alcohol. Keep going, going going... keep drinking myself to sleep, escape the nightmares of being awake... Breathe carbon, just to fall asleep tonight, if I have to. Set myself afire. Anything. Anything. To get away from reality. Get away from the pain of loosing you...
November 2, 2009. 11:38hrs. Wake up, life blurry. Empty vodka bottle laying on the ground below me. Pills disappeared. Mom... standing over me. "Not again, Sam..." "Sorry. Sorry." You're gone. My mind can't grasp it. It's so surreal. Like I'm in a bad movie, or living a nightmare. One that I'll never hear the directer say "CUT!". I'll never wake up. And neither will you. 16:54hrs I watched Invader Zim today for you. You loved Gir.
November 3, 2009. English Class. I couldn't stop staring at your old seat. It kills me not to see you there, laughing at every stupid little thing. Answering questions with intelligence. Asking me for a pencil because you never have one. Giving me a piece of gum. Arguing over how you're NOT FAT after class. Gossiping about how big of a slut Missi is. I cried that class, and Miss Sullivan let me without questioning. She's coming to the funeral, you know.... Much as we hate her. Geometry class I've never seen Miss Ables so nice before. She let me put off all my homework. I stared at your desk again. I can't believe it. I won't. You'll never sit there again. We'll never pass notes joking about how we'd rather die than be in Geometry.. guess you got your wish. But you didn't deserve to. You shouldn't have died. It should have been me... Gym Mr Damiani is a p***k.'Nuff said.
November 4, 2009. Study hall. I wish you could have seen that picture I drew for you...
November 5, 2009. Who cares? Tomorrow.. the hill. One of your favourite places to go, right? Can't wait to see you there.
November 6, 2009. 16:43 I'm sorry. For what Carlos had to do. He's just.. I don't know. But if he goes AWOL on us again, I'll b***h slap some sense into him. Katie.. I've never seen her cry so much. Hell, I've never seen her cry at all. She loved you a lot. I kept expecting you to run out of the bushes, screaming at the top of your lungs. Because, well. That's what you do. And everything would be alright. But it's not. I did see you. Painting the clouds in the sunset. It was beautiful. All that was missing was your voice, singing to me on my way home. It was cold.
I got home. Took a shower to warm myself up. It was so hot, it felt cold to the tips of my fingers. I looked around. This is where you promised to be with me. The weekend you were admitted to the hospital, you were supposed to be here. With me. You were supposed to get better. ...You were supposed to.. get better. But you never did... You were supposed to get better and come back and everything would be alright. You're not here... so where are you? Chelsea. Stop hiding. I know you're there. There.. in my memory. My heart. But I want you HERE. Physically. With me.
So where are you?
XxFragmented_RealityxX · Sat Nov 07, 2009 @ 02:01am · 0 Comments |
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