I swear I typed a journal entry yesterday saying how smitten and thrilled I was. I'll edit this page later when I have a few minutes. But I swear I saved it.
~~
The past two days, I've gotten very hopeful... I've seen new doors opened maybe among the ones I was told I didn't ask for or haven't looked in. I've started battles that I don't even know I've started yet. But no matter how difficult those battles are or how scary some of the doorways seem, I'm prepared. And I'm convinced it'll be worth it. Seeing your face, seeing you, being given that honour? I'm thrilled, blissful, smitten. You've got me by the heart, but I'm not really afraid. Normally I'd be freaking out if I was this hopeless.
But despite all of this, it still doesn't cover up the fact that I'm still single. Well normally this wouldn't be a problem. I don't mind being single. But ohhhh boy, being single is getting very difficult. I've got... *counts* at least four guys after me right now. It started with TJ, then Kevin, then Ian, and now Mike. MIKE! Whyyyy, why did Mike have to be the one to fall fully in love with me, knowing that I'm interested in someone else. At first TJ liking me was laughable. And then when this guy Kevin started talking to me and tried asking me out a few days ago I started to wonder. Ian, he's flirting crazily and dropping hints but dear God. But Mike. I care about Mike. He's a great guy and doesn't deserve this.
But I'm the stubborn yankee who knows who she wants and why she wants him. I'll get offered all these chances that look and seem amazing but I'll turn every one of them down until I'll get the one I want or until I completely break, and I'm hard to break when it comes to this. They'll promise affection and romance and everything they know I like, and I'll get sick to my stomach thinking about how nice it would be, or I'll buckle under the pressure and end up having a chest spasm which I'm close to right now...
But I know who I love and why I love him. Yes, love. Love love love love. I'm dying to get something out here. As childish and irrational as it may seem for me to say so early, I'm dying to say it and I've been dying to say it. I love you. How much I've fallen for you, the amount of dedication I feel, the sacrifices and compromises, the emotional ups and downs, calling it like seems such a basic term, so underrated to how I feel. I hope that it doesn't become a problem.
1am in the morning. I need to shower and go to bed or something.
~~
The past two days, I've gotten very hopeful... I've seen new doors opened maybe among the ones I was told I didn't ask for or haven't looked in. I've started battles that I don't even know I've started yet. But no matter how difficult those battles are or how scary some of the doorways seem, I'm prepared. And I'm convinced it'll be worth it. Seeing your face, seeing you, being given that honour? I'm thrilled, blissful, smitten. You've got me by the heart, but I'm not really afraid. Normally I'd be freaking out if I was this hopeless.
But despite all of this, it still doesn't cover up the fact that I'm still single. Well normally this wouldn't be a problem. I don't mind being single. But ohhhh boy, being single is getting very difficult. I've got... *counts* at least four guys after me right now. It started with TJ, then Kevin, then Ian, and now Mike. MIKE! Whyyyy, why did Mike have to be the one to fall fully in love with me, knowing that I'm interested in someone else. At first TJ liking me was laughable. And then when this guy Kevin started talking to me and tried asking me out a few days ago I started to wonder. Ian, he's flirting crazily and dropping hints but dear God. But Mike. I care about Mike. He's a great guy and doesn't deserve this.
But I'm the stubborn yankee who knows who she wants and why she wants him. I'll get offered all these chances that look and seem amazing but I'll turn every one of them down until I'll get the one I want or until I completely break, and I'm hard to break when it comes to this. They'll promise affection and romance and everything they know I like, and I'll get sick to my stomach thinking about how nice it would be, or I'll buckle under the pressure and end up having a chest spasm which I'm close to right now...
But I know who I love and why I love him. Yes, love. Love love love love. I'm dying to get something out here. As childish and irrational as it may seem for me to say so early, I'm dying to say it and I've been dying to say it. I love you. How much I've fallen for you, the amount of dedication I feel, the sacrifices and compromises, the emotional ups and downs, calling it like seems such a basic term, so underrated to how I feel. I hope that it doesn't become a problem.
1am in the morning. I need to shower and go to bed or something.
