Trivial things are poking around my thoughts. Bothering me. Jabbing at my emotions and setting them on fire. I want to tear out my brains so that I don't have to deal with all the confusion anymore. Just who am I, really? Such a silly thought- shouldn't I know who I am? Obviously, the answer hides behind the flaring feelings. I KNOW who I am- but do I? Do I, really? My thoughts keep arguing back and forth- I shouldn't care so much, as long as others like me for who I am. Because as the saying goes, I want to be loved for who I am- not who I pretend to be. I wonder who it is I become when I pretend. Sometimes the fog is so deeply memorized in my head that I can't see between the lies. It's so easy, so primitive instinct to lie for me. But... Sometimes I don't know when I'm lying and when I'm telling the truth.
Let's start here, a random point in time, a shout of the clock that seems to stick on the bulletin board in my mind. Two million miles away from home, and of course her way was closer- so it was a race against the clock, so to speak. I had to get there first. As usual, she got there before me. I'm always the slowest, the weak one lagging behind. And yet- she still considers me her best friend. How can that be so? She says that I take my time while she rushes through things. I'm more well thought out, and she's... just quick to react. Impulsive, yes? Maybe it's what my thought out ideals is what makes up for her lack thereof. But that one day- I got there first. She was nowhere to be found. It's when I realized- my best friend...
She wasn't even my best friend. She wasn't even real, just a figment of my imagination. I was lying to myself the whole time.
So now I'm wondering- have I been lying to myself about who I am? Is my life simply a dragged out play that some vile, higher deity planned out for me? Or am I just setting the stage with an idea? Trivial things that I shouldn't be worrying about. I've made my life for me and who I.. Who I supposedly think I am. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ..... That kinda sucks. But. I dunno, my mind keeps rambling off random short stories in my head... NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME. I get bored and zone sometimes, and these kinda things happen to appear in my thoughts...
XxFragmented_RealityxX · Sun Oct 18, 2009 @ 02:21am · 0 Comments |