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I'm hurting, quaking
Breathing in air and slowly I'm breaking
Bloodsoaked rags are filling where my heart should be
And still onward tides are pulsing, soaking, rocking, bowling over me
I want to break my heart in twine and snap my stupid neck
And yet my hands won't move

Quaking, cursing, biting back my tongue
Who that I have trusted
Only rusted dagger marks
In the throng of beating hearts and blush

What color could you cast me in
A valiant black like lucid sins
Or gray or red or orange or maybe this is wrong
To ask you where you stand when still am I the only one
Accused, abused, and rushing still on it
But why would you accuse me of a sin I'd not commit

You hate me
Yes, its you
You who isn't even here right now or ever
You, the stalking shadows gripping tight and ever more
You have seen me working onward
And this is what its for

What color then
Could you have cast me in
Was I blue like battered breaking waves
That carried on your shins
Did you cast that sand into my eyes because it was of me
Or did you see my bluest dreams and think I was the sea

No matter, no time, no mercy from my gun
Should I lose my will to live I'd loose my willing fun
Hurt and lept on, shot the knees
I am down and you are evermore attacking
Help
I cried
Save
I said
I am only here for best

But soon enough I'd seen what love
Came pouring from your chest
For there beneath the awful gore
Came sighted from above
There sat my tattered pettyvast
With my heart upon the floor

Traitors
Hurt me
Killed my soul

And now they're back again

Tie me up with ribbons three
and wrench my life away
I know not even who they were
But let me now be free
========================================================

I need to hurt. Even looking at the lighter that rests on my computer table for the occasional alternative use is starting to tempt me. I want to let this pain out, even if I have to burn myself again, but I know very well that those who've hurt me cannot be let to overpower the one who makes my life worth living no matter what. Those stupid f***ing rumors, things that I thought we'd left in high school, are crushing me. It hurts more than it should.... But now I can see why so much of this has happened. Everyone but L has turned on me and is acting like that. Now I finally understand why. It hurts to even think about it. I just hurts so much... Why does it have to be like this? Why does it have to hurt? I want it to end now. I want to get off the ride. I've had enough. I'm leaving.