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Cold, clammy, lifeless, waxy. These words run through my mind as I pull back...Death...my first death. I grip my head trying to let my claws rip away the pain. But I stand there, silent, unmoving. His eyes are closed.No. I shake my head as James contunes to whisper words to in my head.NO. I thrash about trying to forget again. But I'm not moving, I stand there staring, unblinking. This can't be him...no this isn't...fathers never die...no...they never do...I continue to tell myself. The tears fall like streams as crash into the wall. But I'm not moving, I still stand there. His hand is cold...clammy...lifeless...waxy...No it's only a fake body...he'll be back again, tomorrow. Yeah that's when I'll tell him I love him. That's when I'll try to become his son. Tomorrow I'll let him in. People come and go through the closed door. It's my turn. I think as I stand up. Then I turn around, walk the other way. No...fathers never die...father never die. I hear James laughing in my ear, as he seemingly hears my thoughts. I feel his breath against my neck as he continues to whisper to me. I sit rigid in the car, unmoved...ignoring James's words. I feel my grip tighten, I feel my tears choke my throat closed...((still working on the whole thing...this is only a fraction so far...and it's unfiltered...so it willl probably confuse you))