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I love you so much. So much so that it hurts. And so much so that I have no sense of shame or doubt about just how much I really love you. There are times, like now and right before I wrote this, that I will go and lay on my bed and hold my oldest cat against my chest with one hand petting her and holding her cheek to mine and the other hugging her near to my chest only so that I can close my eyes and pretend for one brief moment that that cat is you and that I am there with you and that you are safe. I have gotten to the point where if I don’t kiss my phone at least once during the day just to see your face and to kiss it in that short little peck, that I will lay awake at night until at last I can suffer it no more and just cave in to kissing my phone. I miss you so much every day that we are apart. And so it is twice as crippling that I know why you are upset. Perhaps not all of it, or even the better half, but I know what I need to know and I am suffering for it. I have hurt you and I have defiled all of that which I have made with so much blood of my own brow. Please. Accept me for my flaws. I am hurting and you are hurting too. We need each other. Not only just a good and loving person for all that we have been through before this, but each other and no one else for what we have endured since.

I am petty, jealous, and demanding. I get green in the soul each and every time I see the lovers of our stories being loved and loving back the ones who they are not with in that sense; And worse in seeing the ones that they are with when mine are the ones that they go to in absence. It is wrong, but I let that feeling go in me and it becomes every nasty side effect without the cause to even solve. But I try. When next I can hold you and smell you and know you in the most private and loving of ways I will be sane once more. But even then you will leave and I will revert. And you need better than that.

You need someone who is kind and who is patient all the time. And I fear so much that I am not him. I want to make you happy, my perfect image of love, but I need your help. I need to know what you need to be happy. I must know what you fear and lack so that I may built it up. And I need to know why your tears are falling so that I may cut it from my body and cast it into the fires below so that you will never need see that part of my again. Anything of my past would be forsaken if I thought it could help. But I just need to know how to help.

I love you with all of myself, and I would do anything for you. Even as we stand right now. You need only call out and ask that I might know what it is, and it all, the whole world of D1r7, will be yours….