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Recently I've been having some thoughts. Its nothing really. I've been watching some TV shows and I've experienced a few things that seem to call out to me. I don't know why but I look at it as a type of method to happiness.

The mind is really something. Everyone has it, and everyone can control their own mind to a certain degree. But there a few stories I've heard that astonish me even to this day.

I've heard of people who run 20 miles plus and at the end, vomited blood-laced bile. I've heard of people who observe things in a different light and win because of it. They all go back and claim that the mind is responsible for their advantages. Not only that, but my father even claims that happiness in life is something that can be controlled through your mind. If you can somehow manipulate your mentality around something, then you can overcome anything.

For example, lets say you are late to work and your boss has told you: " One more late out of you you're fired." While driving to work naturally we humans would be in a state of despair and loneliness. We'd feel that the world has become smaller and more crueler. But in that moment, if you can wrap your mind around it, and suppress the emotions and thoughts that one would consider negative and detrimental, then I am pretty sure that relief and happiness would follow. If one could just open up their minds eye and say that there is much more out there than this or acknowledge that we can't do everything, then one would be set for life itself.

I, however, lack the strength to bend my mind around these sort of things. This would lead one to believe that I myself am a hypocrite. But I know it exists. The point is, if you can somehow muster up all your mental strength to destroy even the most minute negative feeling or worldly-view, then I believe you can succeed life and attain happiness itself no matter how impoverished or cursed you are. It's just some people have more of control of their mind than others. I would separate this " mental matter " into two categories.

1.) There is mental strength. Someone with good mental strength has good mental resilience. Normally it would be flowing around in one's mind and spread out to handle things like stress, put downs, pleasure concentration, and needs/wants. It would never be concentrated unless you have something called drive.

2.) There is mental drive. Someone with good mental drive can concentrate all mental strength into one area of matter. For example, during that desperate drive to work, if you have that mental drive, you can concentrate all of your mental strength to tell yourself that you can overcome this and attack the world once more.

Either way, one could lack in one area but be strong in both. Or be weak in both and struggle to see the world in a better and brighter light.

Going back to sociology and psychology. I'd like to question the origin of one's mental prowess. Is it genetic? Or instilled throughout life? Would an abusive parent restrain their child's ability to coordinate mental strength or does it come through one's gene pool? I will never live to see the truth. It would require a maelstrom of research and time. Even so, I'd like to be able to state that my theory of mind vivacity can be proven both unofficially and professionally.

Here I am typing this onto my gaia journal. I'd like to live by this and somehow increase my own mental strength or drive, but alas I do not know how. I have tried to snap my mind into the most appropriate shape to counter some of the most smallest encounters and feelings, but 99% of the time its not enough. Why is it that when you don't say bye to me on the phone I feel like crap, but others would shrug it off and continue with life? Why is it that people can be invulnerable and resistant against bullies or abusive parents and some others would fall victim on the first meeting? I myself am one of those people lacking the mental capability to attack life's problems in the smoothest way possible. I'm barely passing along.