“Spencer come!” I heard a beautiful warm voice. I opened my eyes and found myself in a house. I looked towards the voice nervously scared I was in Tobias’s real home or something weird like that. What I saw made me rejoice inside more than I ever had before. “J.J?” I asked reaching for her hand.
“Come Spencer!” She said reaching for me too. She had that beautiful smile on her picturesque face.
I sat up and tried to grab her hand again.
Suddenly she was higher than me still reaching for me. “Spencer what are you doing? Grab my hand.” She asked of me.
I tried again and I was lower than before.
“Spencer stop that. Grab my hand.” She looked at me even more confused than the first time.
I tried to tell her I couldn’t control it, but nothing came out of my lips! I tried to jump for her. When I did I was suddenly in a deep hole in the ground.
“Spencer stop it! Grab my hand!!” She yelled looking scared.
I tried to figure out what she was worried about when I looked at my body. It was thinner! I was as confused as she was suddenly. I tried to reach for her again and I was deeper.
“Spencer please.” She begged. Then suddenly she was gone.
“J.J! J.J! Jennifer!!!” I screamed up to the top. “Don’t leave me here!! Please!!!”
Suddenly I was thrown into reality as I heard, “You ready boy?” He grabbed my hair and I looked up at him confused.
“Ready for what?” I asked looking around for any clues to what in god’s green earth he was talking about.
“My weakling son thinks god gave you to him for a reason.” He threw my head forward, and then said, “Let’s see if we’re both right.” He turned my chair one hundred and eighty degrees to a few computer screens. He put a camera in front of me and put it on record. “You really see inside men’s minds? See these vermin?” He pointed to the four computer screens of people doing their daily routines such as cooking and such. “Choose one to die. I’ll let you choose who to live.”
“No.” I whispered.
“I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior?” He asked looking at me with this… smug look on his face that made me so angry I just wanted to get one hit on him. One time would just make my day.
“You’re a sadist in a psychotic break. You won’t stop killing. Your words aren’t true.” I looked at the ground knowing the punishment could be utterly terrible.
“The other heathens are watching. Choose a sinner to live and I’ll say the name, address, and person to be saved.” He pointed to the camera.
When he said that, it gave me a little hope. I decided some how I was going to get them a hint to where I was. I quickly thought of the poaching and decided to use that. “I won’t choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains like a poacher.” I said staring at the camera. I hoped that since my team was profilers they would profile my weird behavior and use that hint.
Tobias’s personality Charles picked me up by the shoulders. “You really see into my mind boy? Can’t you see I’m not a liar?! Choose one to die and save a life; otherwise they’re all dead.” He threw me back into the chair.
“Alright I’ll choose who lives.”
“They’re all the same.” He said as I looked at the screen looking for any sign of kids.
I couldn’t let him kill a parent. That was absolutely sure. I sighed and chose the woman cooking. “Far right screen.”
“Marilyn David 4-9-1-3 Walnut road.” He turned back to me and I now knew he had changed again. He was now Raphael.
“Raphael.”
He turned off the camera. “You’ve done your part. Now it’s my turn.” He then left me there all alone.
I kept staring at the computers waiting for one of them not to be home when he arrives. I kept hoping that something good would happen to the unlucky family that he chose. No such luck. Right in front of my eyes he slit the woman’s throat and then the man’s.
I couldn’t help but feel guilt. I had doomed the couple to death. If only I had chosen them maybe…. No I know he would have killed one of the others, but… I was still devastated that that couple HAD to die it seemed. It was as if he took the last fifty to sixty years off that they could have enjoyed. He left children parentless. He left parents childless. He left brothers and sister confused and hurt. He had ruined so many lives in just a few seconds.
I couldn’t help but cry to myself as I realized all of the cases that I worked on was exactly like that. The killers that I eventually helped catch ruined so many lives, and they didn’t even realize the extent of what they did. They never got punished for harming the family. They only got punished for taking a life. It seemed so wrong!
I was crying when all of a sudden I saw Gideon’s face. “Reid if you’re watching, you’re not responsible for this. You understand me? He’s perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break me.”
I knew he honestly believed that. But the question for me was: had he already broken me or was worse in store for me? I couldn’t imagine what he could do worse to me until the vision of J.J dead passed my thoughts and I cried out in the agony of the thought. I decided to do the one thing I hadn’t done since I had decided to become agnostic. Pray. “God if you are there… please just… don’t let him hurt her. I beg you. Take my life. I’ll do anything if she could live with no pain from this. Please don’t let her get hurt. Please.”
That night Tobias returned with my nightly drug dose. What day was it? Two? Three? Four? I had lost count… I didn’t care anymore. I believed I was going to die, and the only hope for me was to catch Tobias and get him hope. I just took whatever came in ease. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing matter but J.J being okay and Tobias being saved from himself.
“Tobias.” I mumbled.
“Sorry I had to leave for a while.” He mumbled as he loaded up the needle.
“You can leave again, and you could take me with you.” I tried just for the heck of it. What was the use in not at least making a pathetic effort to beg your assailant to save your life?
“My father would be angry.”
“Not if he can’t find us.” I pointed out hoping he didn’t know his father was in him.
“He always finds me.”
“If you tell me where we are my friends will come, and they’ll save us.” I tried to beg him some more. I knew it was stupid, but it was my last hope.
He thumped the needle gently, “We can’t be saved.”
“We can, we can I promise. If you tell me where we are, I’ll save us both.” I tried just one last time for the night.
“Listen to me. It’s not worth fighting. Tell me it doesn’t make it better.” He looked at me skeptically.
I knew he was talking about the drug. And I had to admit that one moment away from reality was the best part of the entire day. That one moment relived of my pain. I nodded hopelessly.
He injected the drug and I passed out again.
I was twelve and already responsible of someone… my mother. I pulled up the blinds. “Mom.”
“What is it baby?” She asked opening her eyes and looking at me.
“It’s the afternoon.” I pointed out to her.
“I’m resting.” She said looking away.
“The doctor says you need to get out of bed.” I reminded her of what the doctor had told her and me.
“I’ve been reading.” She gestured to the huge pile of books on her bed.
“He says you need exercise.” I sighed almost hopelessly.
“Well that’s because his good idea of good literature is our bodies, our cells.” She pointed out almost sounding like some type of poet.
“Well he’s your doctor.” I said knowing I was losing the battle already.
“He’s a Neanderthal.” She sighed.
I started to walk off .
“Where are you going?” Mom asked looking concerned as if I was going to go hurt myself or something.
“I’m going to go see if Jeff wants to go play.” I said making up a name. I had no friends, but I liked to act like it so mom would be more motivated to do something to keep me near by, like keep herself looking and smelling decent.
“Come here and let me read to you.” She patted the bed. “Hop up.”
I got on the bed and sat next to mom.
“Pick one.” She said gesturing to the books.
“Mmm…” I said sifting through the books for one I had not heard yet. “This one.”
“Foose. Beautiful choice.” She smiled and opened up the book, “‘The smell of the Madeline unleashing the flood of memories. For a long time I used to go to bed early. Sometimes when I put out my candle my eyes would close so quickly I had not even time to say to myself, ‘I am falling asleep.’’”
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As much as I wish Spencer Reid and this plot line was mine... it is in fact... not mine. It belongs to Criminal Minds. Lucky people.
oO- Alice Whitlock-Oo Community Member 
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