So I’m not very good a profiling… at all, and I would feel VERY bad to give you misleading information. So I kind of skip through things like that with lame excuses and thoughts. I’m REALLY sorry if that bothers you. I hope you can forgive me for that.
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After about three weeks they finally let me back on the field and I was able to travel with the rest of the team. Honestly I was really glad to get back to work. I was starting to worry about myself when I started to look forward to the daily cleaning. My house by now looked like the cleanest house I had ever been in. I had even done all of my laundry… something I had been putting off, because I tend to want to sort them color wise: blues, blacks, whites, and on like that.
So now I was on the plane trying to focus on the case, but it was so hard. Every time I looked at the girls I couldn’t help but empathize with them. I knew what that split second of fear for death is like. I knew what it was like to be cornered and feel like there was no where to go but towards your attacker. I couldn’t help but flashing back to Tobias and his other personalities. It was like I was stuck in this horrible rut that I could never get out of. I kept trying to climb out with facts and statistics, but nothing seemed to help me! I felt helpless without a clear mind! It was like a limb had been taken away from me…. no it was worse. It was like not having any of my limbs. I had been so used to functioning on higher up thoughts and processes that now I felt like there was nothing I could do. I felt like I was dragging my body everywhere as my mind made feeble attempt after feeble attempt to try to crawl out of the rut.
As I struggled the whole team seemed to be unraveling the case quickly and I was just watching trying to blend in and insert a fact here or there. I finally relaxed when Hotch put me on geographic profiling. When I got to the police office I gasped as I realized how hot it was in the office, “Umm… is there any air conditioning in here?” I asked the sheriff who had led me here.
“Well… we did, but something went wrong and now we don’t. I sorry this isn’t the best conditions. I would say that we make it up with good coffee, but sadly that isn’t true.” She pointed out to the gross looking coffee. “But this is where you’ll be set up.” The dark haired woman sighed as she gestured to a small tightly packed area.
I sighed and nodded, “Thank you. This will work.” I tried to reassure her and I. I walked into the room slowly as I examined the room to see if they had forgotten anything that we had asked for. Thank god they had put a map on the wall of the town. I sighed and sat my messenger bag in a chair glad to finally feel comfortable in my skin. I pulled out some pins from my bag and turned to the map. I started to pin down where the girls had been kidnapped, and then (in a different color) I pinned where they had been dumped. I was triangulating where they would be when I heard, “This coffee is gross.”
I turned to see who it was, and I found J.J talking to some dark haired guy. “I’m sorry Jennifer. I could make some more. But only for you babe” He smiled at her flirtatiously and then he winked at her!
She smiled at him brightly as if they had something special only between them, “No you don’t have to do that Will.” I thought for a moment that maybe she was just trying to get her way. I mean we had seen her do that so many times by now we just ignored it and acted like it didn’t happen. It got us where we needed in the case, so we didn’t bother to scold her for using her… womanly abilities.
But I had always felt uncomfortable… every single time. I hated to see her do that. I felt as my stomach lurched seeing her do that. I knew I shouldn’t feel so… jealous. I mean… she wasn’t mine. She never was. She never would have been. She wasn’t ever going to seriously see me any different. But all the same I felt like I was going to vomit out my soul right there. I tried to rip my eyes from the heart breaking sight, but my dumb body wasn’t listening. I had to watch as Will leaned forward and kissed her in a way that should never be allowed at work.
“That should be you!!!!” My heart screamed at me.
“Don’t listen to him. You know you aren’t right for her. He’s probably a better guy.” My mind reminded me.
But that didn’t matter at that moment. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me when J.J pushed Will away after he started to lift his hand up to places he should never touch, and she turned to me, “Spencer don’t you have something to do?”
“Don’t you?” I asked softly and turned to the board. I felt like my whole body had been drained. I was empty. I had nothing left. I knew my comment was a little rude, but I couldn’t hold back at least something to get my hurt, anger, frustration, and jealousy out. Something had to break.
I heard as she sighed, whispered something to the guy, and then I felt her beside me, “I’m sorry you had to see that.” She said lightly as I saw the injudicious foul creature walked away.
“Why would it matter?” I asked as I scribbled on a paper trying to get a pen to work. “I mean you’re not my… we’re not in a relationship.” I answered stumbling over my words. Sometimes I seriously wondered if deep down under all of those facts and statistics I was an idiot. I mean who stumbles over something like that?!
“Well neither are Will and I.” She sighed and leaned against the board making it tilt a little.
I sighed and pointed to the board, “You’re seriously distracting me.” I pointed out fixing it back to the way it was supposed to be as she moved. I had to admit to myself the pretty little blush that crept on her cheeks was… nice. I had no idea what it was, but to see her blush was beautiful.
“I’m really not in relationship with him.” She lied again. She should have known I would have noticed. I’m a profiler after all.
“Sure looked like it to me.” I muttered. “But sure okay. You two aren’t dating.” I just gave up acting like I actually cared. “This is where the last girl was kidnapped right?” I asked trying to distract her from the obviously awkward and (un-obvious) hurtful conversation.
She nodded, “Yeah right there.” She pointed out near the green tack I had put up already. “Spencer I’m really not dating him.” She tried again staring at me as if I had done or said something wrong again.
I sighed and stood up to my full height, “What should I care? Honestly, Why should I care that you’re dating some random guy with a fake accent and a disregard for you?” I mumbled and turned back to the board.
“A disregard for me?” J.J asked sounding shocked. “Fake accent?”
“He’s trying fake a Louisiana accent, and he doesn’t exactly get all of the words right, and it’s obvious he has a disrespect of you.” I mumbled as I stabbed the board with a pin. “Any normal guy wouldn’t have tried to… umm…” I blushed and bit my lip, “touch you like that in front of a whole bunch of people. That’s supposed to be intimate and not public. It looked like he was either trying to brag that he had you or that he was trying to humiliate you.” I pointed out.
“What?” She inquired staring at me as if I had spoken Croatian.
I first glanced at her trying to figure out what his whole charade, where she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about, was going. But when I saw that she really had no idea what I was talking about I looked shocked at her, “You didn’t notice this before?” I asked nervously trying to hide it. “How long have you two been together?”
“About two months.” She muttered and leaned on a table in front of the board.
I stared at her slightly annoyed as I realized she tried to cheat on him with me… and not only that but she tired to lie to me about being with him. “You kissed me… and tired to lie about him….” I started to say.
“I know.” She admitted looking down at her feet guiltily. I felt bad for her instantly, and suddenly I didn’t have the heart to pursue it. I couldn’t get myself to ask the questions I wanted oh so bad to ask. Why did you do that? What was the purpose? Did it mean anything to you? Do I mean anything to you?
“J.J with in two months of knowing you, and he’s trying… things like that? Don’t you think maybe this one isn’t a keeper?” I asked trying to look placid so she didn’t think I was too worried. I didn’t want her to think I was too involved in the situation. That would be terrible, because then she would think that I’m only saying this to get her to dump him and go out with me. I was trying to convince her to dump him, but it was only for her well being. I didn’t like the vibe I was getting from this guy.
She looked at the wall for a moment as if she was really thinking about what I said, and then she turned to me all too quickly for me to realize she had even taken a step closer. “What do you care?”
“I… I… I’m your friend.” I stuttered over my words. “I… I’m supposed to care about things like that.” I pointed out. “I would have done the same for Emily.”
She sighed and took a step back, “Yeah you’re right. I… I should have known.”
“Why were you even dating that guy?” I asked curiously. “I’m sure he showed signs of being a bad egg even on the first date.” I turned back to my board and drew the triangle of where the Unsub must have lived.
“Because the guy I want to be with is blind.” I heard her mumble under her breath.
I looked at her confused, “What guy would be blind of you? He must be really stupid.” I pointed out bluntly.
She rolled her eyes, “Has anyone ever called you stupid?”
“What?” I asked confused going to the coffee pot.
“Because you just called yourself stupid.” She said sitting on the table.
I looked at her shocked, “What… not… no.” I stumbled over my words. “No… not here. You can’t do this here.” I said as the words rolled over my tongue before I could think about them. “You can’t. No. You’re lying.” I said harshly.
Suddenly I jumped and the coffee in my hand tipped onto my hand as I heard, “What is she lying about?”
“Ow! Morgan you scared me!” I shrieked and sat down the coffee. I got some paper towels and wiped off the sticky substance.
“Sorry pretty boy.” He sighed and looked at the board, “Wow, you’ve got farther than any of us. So what were you lying about?” He asked J.J.
“I was lying about how many glasses it would take to get Reid drunk.” She flashed her beautiful smile at me and suddenly I was willing to say or do anything for her.
“Uh… yeah. I think it would take more than four. She thinks less.” I stumbled over my words.
“I’m going with J.J on that Reid.” Morgan chuckled.
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Please Review. I REALLY want to hear from you guys. I want to thank all of you that have stuck through all of my whining, begging, and late posting. I'm really sorry for all of that. I usually TRY to be on time, but I have suffered TERRIBLE writing blocks through some of these chapters. Then there was that one chapter what I was at my friend's house while my family dealt with their... issues. I know I haven't thanked you guys, but I'm really grateful for you readers. You're my favorite people in the world. You're the only people that deal with my insufferable writing and stupid ideas. I'm glad to have such AMAZING readers. Thank you again.
oO- Alice Whitlock-Oo Community Member 
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