I had a little break down in Damadonis today... Sorry about that. lost the happy. HAPPY'S BACK! Here's a little run down of what's been going on.
My parents think I'm a whore for meeting my boyfriend on the internet. They said it to my face sevral times. Eventhough they love him, I'm still a whore. I'm currently attending a comunity college. I'm taking 2 classes this term that cost $616, plus another $350 in books. I have to buy a $75 bus pass every month or I can leave the house. I'm 20 years old and I can't drive. I'm not allowed to get my liscens until I can buy a car myself. Who knows when that will be since I have to pay for everything I need myself. My monthly income is about $450. And thats on a great month! Thats not even enought to pay for school. Thats enough for my books and a bus pass.
My dad used to hit me until I gave him a bloody nose. After that, he totaly broke my spirt. I'm an empty shell of what I used to be. I used to be outgoing, reblious, inspired, and just over all bursting with life. Now, I have just about lost my sence of humor. The only thing I have left of my former self is my passion. That is the one thing he CAN'T take from me. He may tell me what a nice body I have, and that I have a great chest. He may say that my mother should have aborted me when she was pregnate. He can call me a child when I try my hardest to grow up. But he can never take my passion! Thats my last spark of the fire I used to have.
My mother takes everything I have. Food, clothes, underwear, friends, shoes, money, boyfriend. Just about anything she can get her grubby hands on she will take. I have nothing left for me. The one place I could get away from her was on the internet, until she finds all the places I go to and get's accounts to check up on what I'm doing. It will only be a matter of time before she comes on gaia and rips me apart for having friends on the internet.
I used to work at target. They fired me and said I stole a bunch of money. They made me pay it all back and then some. I find out later that it was the person that was on my til while I was on my lunch that stole the money. But since I was forced to sign a contract saying that I would pay the money, there is nothing anyone can do about it. I work at Holywood Video now and get treated like dirt. Which is a step up from my home life.
I was bitched at for getting fired. I got a new job. I was bitched at for not going to school. I'm in school. I get bitched at for not cleaning enough around the house. I stay up late and get up early to clean. I get bitched at for not sleeping. I sleep more and clean less. I get bitched at for not cleaning and not having a second job. I get a second job and start this monday. I GET BITCHED AT FOR HAVING A SECOND JOB! Nothing I do it right. I fix it so I fit the demands and its still not right! I dont know what to do?! I get kicked out of the house each month, but I have no where to go. i'm trying to save for a car, school, and put some money away to move out.
I know is seems kinda, "meh, so what?!" on here, but this is just the watered down version.
And ontop of all of this stress my boyfriends dad is dieing. He's having seizers and has bacteria in the front lobe of his brain that is eating away at his memories. The doctors said that he as to go in for sergry to get that part of his brain removed but they arent sure what the after affect will be. He could be a vegatable for all they know. His dad is going to go from the VP of TI for CBS to a carrot. It makes me cry every time I think about it.
View User's Journal
In the evening, I saw you in the orange sun.
 |
Gotta a Wii or Poke'mon Diamond/Pearl? Lets be friends!
User Comments: [5] [add]
|
J Lone Wolf Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Lyviathon
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
jamessciasci Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Neko Otaku The Forgotten
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
User Comments: [5] [add]
Community Member
I'm a really good listener. I can't say I know how it feels to go through all of this s**t. But I know that it helps to talk about things. Or in our cases. Type. Is the second job you talked about the one at the restaurant? I don't know why I ask. But maybe it's because I want to check and see if I remember correctly. I'm probably going to go and read your live journal when i'm done typing this. Mostly I wanted you to know that you do have friends on gaia. Even if your mom finds out about us. You still have us. We love you. And we're here for you. I'm gonna go and read the other one now. PM me if you need to talk. <3 ya