Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

A parody fan-fic, crossing over Sword Art Online and Yakuza.

Chapter 1: Haruka's Special Day
Today was a very special day at the Sunshine Orphanage. Today was Haruka's birthday. For one special day, everybody took the time to thank Haruka for everything she had done for the kids. The festivities lasted all day. Nakahara and Mikio even brought over a big cake for everyone to enjoy, but something bothered Haruka. She hadn't seen Kazuma all day. Where could he be at a time like this? Just as everyone had finished eating cake, and Haruka's worry had reached its maximum, everyone heard Taichi shout out "Oji-san!" Everyone ran out to the front yard to see Kiryu walking towards them, carrying two big boxes in his arms, and out of breath. "Haru-chan!" he called out, "I'm sorry I missed your party, I wasn't expecting the lines to be so long." Haruka smiled with tears of joy, and tackled Kiryu to the ground, hugging him, knocking the boxes into the sand. "Happy birthday, Haruka-chan," he said, rubbing her head reassuringly.

Kiryu got up and picked up one of the boxes, and asked Mikio to help carry the other. Kiryu had time for one slice of cake before Haruka decided to open her presents. She unwrapped the boxes neatly, so that the wrapping paper could be used for Christmas presents later that year, to reveal two Nervegear helmets, each with a copy of the hugely anticipated Online Role-Playing-Game, Sword Art Online. Haruka's eyes lit up. "Oji-san, are you going to play with me?!" she asked with excitement. Kiryu nodded, "Yeah, I hear this device actually puts you in the game. I've had some experience with a game like that, so I thought it would be fun to play together."

Haruka eagerly put her helmet on, whilst Kiryu and Mikio set things up. Finally, everything was all ready. "Link Start!" Kiryu and Haruka said in unison, as they began their journey into the virtual world of Aincrad. In creating their avatars, Haruka decided to just go by her usual name, whereas Kiryu decided upon the name "Heat_Dragon," due to his fondness of dragons. They met up in the bustling Level 1 town. Kiryu was dressed in typical Ronin garb, with a dark grey open front top, with baggy red pants, and sandals, holding a katana, sheathed at his side. He tried to make his face look like himself, but he wasn't very good with the sliders, so he ended up looking much younger than he actually was. Haruka, on the other hand, was all dressed up like a Magical Girl, with a pink skirt, and puffy shoulder thingies, with an unproportionally large pink and yellow hammer clinging to her back. Her character had light purple eyes, and bright pink hair in long pigtails, just like Hatsune Miku. "Oji-san, let's go!"

"Yeah," he nodded.

They headed out into the plains to fight boars for a while. Seeing that it was a beginner's area, and Kiryu was a trained swordsman, fighting the boars was little trouble to Kiryu, so he mostly made sure to play support for Haruka. They played and fought boars for a few hours, until it finally became evening. "All right, Haruka-chan," Kiryu began, a little fatigued from all the fun they had, "We should log out for the night and get ready for bed."

"Yes, oji-san," she said, waving her hand through the air to bring up her menu. As she looked through the menus, her expression became one of confusion. "What's wrong, Haruka-chan?"

"I can't find the 'log-out' option," she responded.

"The manual said it should be right around-," Kiryu brought up his menu, only to see that the "log-out" option was grayed out. He tried selecting it, only to get an error sound effect. "Huh?"

Suddenly a bell could be heard from all around. Before Kiryu could even figure out what it meant, he and Haruka were both warped into the town square, along with everyone else in Aincrad. Then, a spectre appeared before the crowd. "I am Akihiko Kayaba, the creator of this game," the spectre informed, "by now, you have all most likely noticed that you cannot log out. This is not a bug, this is the real game. No one may leave this game until you clear the final floor. If you die in the game, your Nervegear will send microwaves into your brain to turn it into pudding. If anybody tries to remove the Nervegear from your head before the game is cleared, the Nervegear will send microwaves into your brain to turn it into mashed potatoes. Oh, and one more thing," Kayaba gave everyone little hand mirrors, as one by one, everyone's avatars turned into their real life selves. Kiryu gritted his teeth, and clenched his fists, crushing the little mirror as his rage filled his heat-guage. "Oji-san," Haruka whined, her voice on the edge of tears, "what's going to happen to us?" Kiryu, seeing how scared Haruka was, calmed his rage for the time being to console her. "I'm going to get us out of here," he assured Haruka, "and I'm going to teach that punk a lesson."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Akumaclops
Kiryu and Haruka had managed to survive the week. Despite his claims, Kiryu was hesitant to go to the frontlines, in fear of putting Haruka in danger. By the end of the week, a large group of people had formed a team to clear the first floor boss, so Haruka and Kiryu were able to level grind on the second floor.

One fateful day, they were ambushed by a group of bandits. They snarled and hissed as they all pointed their swords toward the two. "What do you punks want?" Kiryu stated with authority, despite the fact that it was a question. "Hey, Grand-dad, aren't you a little old to be playing games with a little girl?" one of the punks taunted. "Hmph, nothing ever changes," Kiryu mumbled under his breath, "Haruka, stay behind me."

Haruka nodded, as Kiryu took his stance. He didn't even draw his sword. The unsuspecting punks rushed Kiryu, and one after the other, he beat their dumb faces in. If their bones had been real, they would have been shattered for life. If their teeth had been real, they'd have to eat with a straw from now on. Kiryu Kazuma showed these punks why he was known as "The Dragon of Dojima." Kiryu approached the final cowering punk, ready to teach him the meaning of pain, when the punk decided to flee. "Just you wait until I tell my boss about this! He's gonna kill you!" the punk shouted as he ran away in terror. Kiryu looked around himself at all the punks lying on the ground, writhing in pain. "The rest of you had better follow him if you don't want some monster finishing you off," Kiryu said as he departed towards town, holding Haruka's hand. The punks limped off into the sunset.

The very next day, as Kiryu and Haruka were level grinding in the same place as before, they were approached by the same group of punks as before. "Did you come to apologize?" Kiryu said with a deadpan voice, despite the fact that it was a question. "I told you! Our boss is going to kill you!" the punk stated with the utmost confidence, as his boss walked around the crowd to get a better look at them. His name was "Akumaclops." He was a lanky man who wore an open chested jacket made out of dragon-scales, wearing no shirt underneath, and wearing black leather pants, and steel-toed black cowboy boots, and he carried a wakizashi as a weapon. His hair was a black bowl-cut, and he had a thin mustache, with a soul patch underneath, and his expression seemed permanently set to "off-kilter." Kiryu recognized the man in an instant. "Majima no nii-san?!"

"Hm? Kiryu-chan?!" the man shouted as his face brightened with excitement and happiness.

"What-... What are you doing here?" Kiryu asked, this time actually saying like it's a question.

"Uh-uh, Kiryu-chan, that ain't how it works. If you want somethin' from me, then ya gotta fight me," Majima said with a grin as he drew his wakizashi.

"Yeah, it's definitely you, Majima no nii-san," Kiryu said with a smile.

The two threw off their shirts in a way that is probably not physically possible, but it's a video-game, so don't think about it too much. The two ran in toward each other, and fought as though they truly wanted to kill one another. Kiryu's fists impacted Majima with such force that Haruka and the punks flinched every time he landed a blow. Every cut from Majima's blade cut so deep that Kiryu's unwavering expression actually winced in pain. The fight went on for over an hour, Kiryu and Majima getting bruised and cut all over, until, finally, Kiryu finished the fight with a powerful headbutt to the face. The two collapsed to the ground, exhausted from the amazing battle they just had.

"Heehee, just what I expect from you, Kiryu-chan! Strong as ********!" Majima proclaimed, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, you haven't changed a bit," Kiryu said, as he sat up to pull out a pack of cigarettes. He tossed a cigarette to Majima, and the two smoked together, basking in the afterglow of their fight.

"Ehh... Aniki?" One of the punks said, interrupting Kiryu and Majima's special moment, "Aren't you going to finish him off?"

"Eh? Why the ******** would I do that?" Majima posed the question in a way that truly frightened the punk to his core.

"Majima no nii-san," Kiryu interjected, before Majima got a chance to get carried away, "Will you tell me what you're doing here, now?"

"Oh," Majima cocked his head back towards Kiryu to redirect his attention, "Daigo told me about what's goin' on here with you and Haruka-chan-... Hey Haruka-chan!"

"Hello, Majima-san" Haruka responded politely.

"...So me and my boys snagged a buncha these Nerf-gears to come and rescue ya. It was a pain in the a** getting a hold of them, too." Majima explained

"You stole Nervegear equipment to enter the game and rescue us?" Kiryu was touched by how much Majima cared.

"'Course, Kiryu-chan. If you died, then who would stop me from taking over the world?" Majima joked, even though it was true.

"Mad Dog" Majima Gorou, otherwise known as "The One-Eyed Demon," was the leader of the Majima Family, one of the most influential families in the Tojo Clan. Though his avatar had both eyes, the real life Majima had lost one of his eyes. If one ever asked how he lost it, he'd just respond "'Cause I was too ********' strong!" Majima respects strength above all else, so of course he was fast friends with Kiryu. While he was always itching for another fight against "Kiryu-chan," he was also fiercely loyal, often risking life and limb whenever Kiryu was in trouble. Kiryu has a deep respect and trust for Majima, despite not always agreeing with his methods.

"So, I take it you boys are with the Majima family?" Kiryu asked the punks who stood around uncomfortably.

"H-hai, Kiryu-san!" one of them shouted, bowing down, while the others followed suit.

"Kiryu-chan, aintcha gonna ask?" Majima suggested to Kiryu.

"Of course. Majima no nii-san, would you and the Majima family help us to reach the top floor and bring an end to this game?"

"Hee hee hee hee," Majima giggled as he stood up, "LET'S GET TO THE TOP!" he shrieked out.

This is the part where you're supposed to imagine an amazing montage of Kiryu and Majima kicking a** and making their way through each level while Majima's rendition of "Get to the Top" plays. Just imagine it for a few minutes. Maybe find the song online and listen to it, to help the imagery flow. It's amazing, right?

Video provided to assist in the imagery.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3: Like a Dragon
It had been two months since Kiryu, Haruka, and the Majima family had joined the front-lines. Since they joined, the front-lines had progressed significantly faster, to the point that they were now nearing the end. Everyone was on edge. Two short months felt like years in a land of anarchy. Thousands of people died throughout the course of the game, from player-killers, dungeon traps, boss monsters, and many assortment of other means, but through all that turmoil, they were finally approaching the end.

On the one-hundredth floor of Aincrad, in the final dungeon, had been their most dangerous quest yet. A good half of the Majima family had already been lost to this dungeon alone. Only four members of the Majima family remained, not including Majima himself, the most noteworthy of which was the up-and-coming Minami Daisaku. They had also been working along-side the Knights of the Blood, which was being led by Heathcliff, a middle-aged man in red armor. He was renowned for his unique skill to wield his giant shield. Working with him were the second in command Asuna, a teenage girl with light-brown hair, who was quite skilled with a rapier, and her husband Kirito, a teenage boy with black hair who had the unique skill of dual-wielding swords, something that was normally impossible in the game. Kiryu generally allowed them to lead the way through the dungeons, choosing to lag behind to better protect Haruka. As such, most of the front-line squadron rarely took notice of him, especially with Majima always taking charge. It wasn't until that final room when that changed.

Tensions were high when they reached that final boss-room of the final dungeon. This was it, an end to the nightmare, the way back home. Yet they also knew it could just as easily be the death of them all. They all took nervous steps into the dark, empty room, except for Kiryu and Majima, of course, as they had nerves of steel. Suddenly, the room illuminated, and a gigantic gargoyle descended from above, called "Pazuzu." Pazuzu carried with him a long scepter, adorned with rubies at the top, and with pointy spear-ends at the top and bottom. Pazuzu let out a bellowing laugh as he landed, and fired off a massive laser beam from his scepter, which the group barely managed to avoid. Kiryu continued his routine of staying back and protecting Haruka, while Majima and Heathcliff charged in full force. The intense battle raged, as the group were only able to chip away at Pazuzu's health little by little. Pazuzu appeared to have no weaknesses, so the battle was inevitably long and arduous. At one point, Minami got careless, and Pazuzu pinned him down beneath his scepter. Minami could feel his life slipping away as Pazuzu pressed down harder and harder. Just as Minami was about to breathe his last breath, Kirito rushed in and body-slammed the scepter, dislodging it from Minami's torso, and just as Pazuzu lost his balance from that, Asuna and Majima attacked in unison, finishing the legendary beast in a spectacular show, and lots of gratuitous explosions.

"Hee hee hee!" Majima giggled hysterically at their accomplishment.

"Asuna, you were incredible!" Kirito said, running to congratulate his wife. Minami stood up, awkwardly, depressed that he was being ignored. They all stood about congratulating each other for the time being, until they eventually decided to check their menu to log out. Unfortunately, however, the "Log Out" option was stilled grayed out. Whispers of "huh" and "what's going on?" could be heard all around the room.

Then, there was a single man clapping. Heathcliff walked to the center of the room. "I must congratulate all of you on what you've accomplished," he announced loudly enough for everyone to hear, "however, that was not the final boss."

Gasps were heard all across the room. "What's going on here, Heathcliff?" Kirito asked with an angry tone. "Since you've made it so far, I'll tell you. I am the final boss, Kirito. I, Akihiko Kayaba, am the final boss of Sword Art Online. If you want to free everyone from this game, then you'll have to defeat me. That's why I gave you your unique skill," Heathcliff declared, without shame.

Kirito clenched his teeth, and strode forward. "You b*****d, I'll-..." suddenly, a hand grabbed him by the shoulder. Kirito turned around, "Heat_Dragon...?"

"That's enough, Kirito-san. I'll handle it from here," Kiryu told the boy reassuringly.

"No! This is my fight!" Kirito insisted.

"You're young, you've still got a lot of fights ahead. Let me do what's necessary,"

"b-but...!" Kirito stammered as Kiryu walked ahead, sheathing his katana.

"Heat_Dragon?" Kayaba said with a little bit of confusion, "Kirito's the only one who can defeat me, but if you really feel like throwing your life a-..."

"That's enough out of you," Kiryu stated with authority, "You think it's alright to play with people's lives? Killing all these people? Killing these kids?!"

"So, you plan to kill me, as payback?"

"No, I'm not going to kill you," Kiryu said, shaking his head, "I'm going to kick your a**!"

"Hmph, give it your best," Kayaba said, drawing his sword. Kiryu tossed off his shirt, revealing his tattoo to everyone.

"What?! That dragon is...-" Kirito said with amazement.

"It can't be..." Asuna gasped

"He's 'The Dragon of Dojima!'" Klein exclaimed. Oh yeah, Klein was there the whole time.

"You can do it, Oji-san!" Haruka cheered

"Give 'im Hell, Kiryu-chan!" Majima shouted, sitting down to relax.

"Huh?" Kayaba looked around the room with concern, "The Dragon of Dojima? That's impossible, this guy can't be the infamous Kazuma Kir-..." Suddenly, Kiryu sucker-punched Kayaba in the face, knocking him over, and bruising his poor little ego. Kayaba stood back up, taking his battle position. "I told you, that's enough talk from you. When I'm through with you, you won't be able to talk ever again," Kiryu stated with such a threatening presense, it sent shivers down Kayaba's spine. The next series of punches, Kayaba blocked with his shield easily, not a single hit managing to strike its intended target, yet Kayaba could still feel the immense force of each blow from behind his shield. Eventually, Kiryu wised up to Kayaba's shield tactics, so he grabbed Kayaba's shield, and shoved him forward, sending him off-balance, and causing him to let go of his shield. Kiryu then lifted the shield above his head, and slammed it down, directly into Kayaba's gut with intense power. Kayaba gasped in shock and pain, as the breath got knocked out of him.

"Incredible," Kirito commented, "to think that Heat_Dragon was this strong all along."

"That's Kiryu-chan for ya," Majima said boastfully, "strongest ********' guy I ever met!"

Kiryu tossed aside Kayaba's shield to the far end of the room, so that he may no longer hide behind it, as Kayaba slowly rose back to his feet. He then swung his sword with fury at Kiryu, but Kiryu caught the blade in his palm. Kayaba continued to press the blade into his hand, as it cut deep, lowering Kiryu's health little by little. Kiryu then pulled the blade in, once again sending Kayaba off-balance, and face first into Kiryu's dreaded head-butt, which left Kayaba dazed for another attack.

FEEL THE HEAT!

"Huh? I didn't program that," Kayaba commented on the strange text appearing on the screen, as Kiryu charged his Heat. Then, Kiryu glowed with an aura of blue fire as he approached for his finishing move. "I definitely didn't program that power-up!"

Kiryu unleashed his "Hell's Floor" finishing move on the defenseless Kayaba. It was a most painful grappling move that involved breaking his arm, dislocating his shoulder, fracturing his spine, and then ending it with a powerful punch to the face, shattering his nose. However, Kiryu kept his word, and Kayaba still had three health points left. Kayaba was in no condition to fight, however, as he lie down on the floor, crying in agony.

Kiryu stared at Kayaba with a death-glare that would make a tyrannosaurus piss itself in fear, as he awaited for Kayaba to end the game. Kayaba timidly brought up his menu, and selected the last option. Just like that, everyone began to disappear from the room, as the dungeon collapsed.

As soon as that was over, Kiryu found himself standing on a floating platform overlooking the whole of Aincrad as it collapsed into oblivion, and standing not too far away was Kayaba Akihiko, in his true form. Kiryu pulled out a cigarette, the serene atmosphere seeming the right time to smoke. He offered one to Kayaba, but Kayaba turned him down.

"Seeing Aincrad becoming a reality, that was my dream, Kazuma," Kayaba explained.

"A man should always follow his dream," Kiryu responded,

"Honestly, I thought it would last longer, like a year or two. I wasn't expecting everyone to rush through it like that," Kayaba admitted.

"We were desperate. We wanted to leave, we weren't going to just lounge around to wait for that to happen," Kiryu said, "but why did you need to kill so many people for this?"

"Hah... I don't even remember anymore," Kayaba said, with embarrassment.

"What?!" Kiryu's eyes sharpened with rage, as he glowed with a flaming red aura. He proceeded to execute his ultimate technique, a backhanded slap to Kayaba's face, sending him flying backwards, completely dumbstruck from the immense and sudden impact that had just stricken his dumb face.

Kiryu awoke in a hospital bed, surrounded by people. He slowly removed his helmet to see all his friends and family standing around with joyous smiles. Haruka, in a wheelchair, sat next to Kiryu, and standing next to her was Majima in crutches, at the foot of the bed stood all the orphans from Sunshine orphanage, and from the side opposite of Haruka stood all of Kiryu's friends: Daigo, Saejima, Date, Nakahara, Kazama Shintaro, Akiyama, Hana, Mikio, Tanimura, Goda, and even Hanaya.

"Eh? Ain't you supposed to be dead, Kazama?" Majima commented upon noticing Kazama's presence. Kazama moaned lowly, and attempted to eat Nakahara, as he was now a zombie.

"Hee hee hee! More zombies, Kiryu-chan!" Majima announced with glee as he jumped over Kiryu's bed and began whacking at Kazama's shambling corpse with one of his crutches.

And they all lived happily ever after... probably.

THE END