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The following story takes place in Stilwater, after the story of Saints Row 2, but before Saints Row: The Third. The characters are based on how they were in Saints Row 2, just to avoid confusion.


The Boss of the Third Street Saints was searching through the want-ads for a part-time job. It was a hobby of hers. Despite being the leader of the biggest gang in the city, she often enjoyed taking odd-jobs, just for the amusement. She had been a pimp, an MMA fighter, a cab-driver, a cop, a drag-racer, a saboteur, and even a prostitute, all in good fun. After a satisfying run covering an entire neighborhood lot with feces to drive down real-estate prices, the Boss was looking for something a little less active. It was then that she found a particular ad.

"Night Security wanted for Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria," she read aloud whilst lounging around the crib in Saints Row. "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza?" Pierce said, eavesdropping on the Boss's comments to herself, "Shiiit, I didn't know that place was still around."

"You been there before?" The Boss asked Pierce.

"Yeah, my Moms used to take me there for all my birthdays, 'til I turned 10,"

"Was it any good?"

"Hell no! That pizza tasted like s**t, and they had them creepy-a** singin' robots who smelled funny, and no games at all! Freddy's is ********' terrible. I kept tellin' my Moms that I wanted to go to an arcade, but b***h was like 'If you don't like Freddy's, then I guess I won't take you anywhere at all.' Some ol' bullshit," Pierce ranted.

"Yeah, Pierce, I didn't ask to hear about your shitty childhood," The Boss gave a snide reply.

"Man, whatever. I'm just tellin' it like I remember," Pierce responded, attempting to sound dismissive.

"I think I'll give them a call," The Boss said, ignoring Pierce.

That day, The Boss arrived at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, holding a resume in her hand. The place was bright and rather shoddy. The main trio of animatronics were singing some god-awful tune for a small group of children wearing birthday hats. The manager, a fat sweaty balding fellow was standing near the back of the dining room, giving The Boss dirty looks, clearly not fond of her gangsta style. She grinned smugly as she walked over to him. She loved messing with his type. "Hey there. I'm here for the job interview."

"Isn't that peachy. Let's head into my office, so the kids don't have to look at you."

The two sat down in the manager's office. The manager looked over The Boss's resume, unamused by her attempts at being cute.

"It says here your name is 'The Boss'..."

"Yessir," The Boss said cheerfully.

"Is that your maiden name?" The manager asked sarcastically.

"Yes indeed. I still haven't quite found that special person yet," she said coyly.

"So," the manager cleared his throat, "you were born August 5th, 1955?"

"Mhmm."

"8/05/55... almost looks like you're just trying to spell 'Boss' with the numbers."

"What a coincidence," she giggled.

The manager sighed, "Your experience is in 'Being a bad-a** Boss,' and 'Bossing my homeboys like a Boss,'"

"Damn right," she said, reclining back in her chair.

The manager looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel. "So, you were management, then?" he asked, humoring her bullshit.

"You could say that."

"Who, might I ask, were you managing 'like a Boss'?"

"Oh, just a local youth group."

"Youth group? Any one I might've heard of?"

"Maybe. Ever heard of the 3rd Street Saints?" She said with a wide smile.

The manager jumped back in his chair, straightened his posture, and put on a nervous smile. "O-oh, you're that Boss! Well, it's a p-pleasure to meet you!" he said, immediately changing his attitude. "W-well, what would such an important figure in the city want with a dingy job like this?"

"Taking part-time jobs is a hobby of mine. Being the rich and famous ruler of the city allows me to have my little quirks. After all, who's gonna try and stop me?" The Boss said, intimidating the sweaty little man, and dropping any facade of innocence.

"Ahah, well," the manager laughed nervously, "being a security guard can be dangerous work, you know. If something were to happen, then what would the Saints do without you?"

"Hmhm... hmhmhm," The Boss tried to contain her laughter, but to no avail. She burst out laughing so loud that even the kids out in the dining hall could hear her over the music. She fell out of her chair, and rolled around on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"Uh... Miss? Are you alright?" The manager asked worriedly.

The Boss tried to compose her self, and grabbed onto the desk to lift herself back to her feet. "Aha... Aha... haa..." her laughter calmed down, "-Ahem- Sorry about that. No, the Saints aren't going to come after you if something happens to me. Besides, nothing's gonna happen to me."

"Err- That's not what I asked..."

"But it's what you were thinking. C'mon, nothing's gonna go wrong."

The manager sighed in surrender, "Fine, you can have the job. Your shift is from 12 AM to 6 AM. All ya need to do is watch the security cameras for any intruders. You see anyone who's not supposed to be there, you call the cops. Or, I guess you could just shoot them."

"Yeah, that sounds more my style."

"Egh, try not to leave any bodies in the dining hall. This is a family restaurant, y'know? You can help yourself to any food in the kitchen, but it's important that you do not tamper with the animatronics. I'm serious, don't touch them."

"Yeah yeah," she said dismissively.

"We don't have the money to run the main power all night, so the power's set to a back-up generator. Its energy is pretty limited, so-..."

"Blah blah blah, get to the ******** point!"

The stress made his eye twitchy. "When can you start?" he asked whilst clenching his teeth.

"Tonight, preferably."

"Excellent," he said, barely containing an evil chuckle.

-THAT NIGHT-

The Boss showed up just as the last of the cleaning staff was leaving, walking nonchalantly over to her shitty new office in the back of the restaurant. When the clock struck midnight, the main power shut off, and her shift had officially begun, so she picked up the laptop hooked into the cameras. Pretty soon, her phone started ringing.

"Uh Hello?" A disingenuous voice spoke to her. She was only half listening for a few seconds, then when he began talking about "legal responsibilities," she hung up on him, because she's a rebel! She doesn't care about the law!

As she scrolled through the cameras, she noticed that Bonnie the Bunny was gone from the stage. A little irritated that a problem was arising already, she scrolled through the cameras until she finally found Bonnie, standing in the Backroom. Deciding to confront the problem head on, she left her office and wandered through the dark halls, and into the Backroom.

"Hey yo, Rab-bot!" she said to Bonnie with an agitated voice. Bonnie's head cocked toward her in an unnatural and robotic fashion. "Get back to the stage. I'm trying to guard the place, and I don't need you snooping around and distracting me."

Bonnie stared at The Boss dead-eyed for a moment, before letting out an ear-piercing shriek, and attempting to grab her. However, The Boss is a bad-a**, and merely kicked Bonnie in the gut, and knocked him on his a**. Bonnie was just a little confused by that.

The Boss dug a finger around in her ear. "The ********, man? You trying to make me go deaf?" All of a sudden, Foxy ran into the Backroom toward The Boss, shrieking his loudest as well. The Boss, expecting it, this time, turned around and let him run right into a lariat, knocking him on his back, and sliding into Bonnie.

"Seriously, you guys?" The Boss looked back at the doorway, and saw Freddy and Chica peeking in. She sighed, "Okay, everyone, back to the Stage. We need to have a talk."

The Boss stood at center stage, whilst Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica sat in front of the stage, as if they were children watching the show. "Eh, one, two, three... Where the other one?"

Foxy made a mad dashing second attempt at The Boss, lunging headfirst toward her and shrieking, but the Boss just stepped out of the way, and let Foxy crash into the wall behind the stage. "Are you done yet?" she asked impatiently, and Foxy got up and sat with the rest of the bots.

"You guys realize I have a job to do, right? I don't have time to babysit you. Why are you running around shrieking anyway?"

Freddy rose his hand to answer. "Yes, Top-hat?"

"Flesym os yas od I fi trops s'nemeltneg eurt a. Efil rieht dne dna tius a otni meht ffuts ot teg ew neht, esol yeht fi dna, meht gnihctac morf su peek ot yrt yeht. Sdraug ytiruces thgin eht fo lla htiw yalp ew trops elttil a s'ti," Freddy said in a deep garbled voice.

"Yeah, that was just a bunch of gibberish. Anyone wanna try explaining it in English?"

"Let's eat!!!" Chica interjected.

"Oh, so you can talk? Care to explain the situation?"

"Let's eat!!!" Chica repeated.

"Is that all you can say?"

Chica paused for a moment, and then shrieked.

"Is this really all the communication you guys are capable of? Raspy gibberish, catch-phrases, and shrieking?"

Freddy, Chica, and Bonnie all looked to each other, and then began singing in unison.

"Oh it's a Freddy-rific day at Freddy's Pizza!

Let's all play some games and have a party!"

"STOP THAT, RIGHT NOW!"

The trio stopped singing.

"Jesus Christ, that's worse than the shrieking." She rubbed her forehead in dismay. "How about you, Hook? You got anything to say?" she directed her question to Foxy.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" Foxy sang in a raspy pirate voice.

"Hell yeah! This one's got some taste, but that doesn't explain a damn thing. Ugh, I'm getting nowhere."

They sat around doing nothing for a little while, until Freddy got an idea. He walked over to the security room, and grabbed a cassette tape, and a stereo, and then brought it over to the stage. The five listened to it together.

"Uh, hello? I was told you might be the impatient type, so I left you this back-up tape, in case you missed out on something from my call. Uhh, you probably noticed that the animatronics get a bit quirky at night. Rest assured, this is totally normal. They're uhhh left on a sort of 'Free-roaming' mode to keep their servos from locking up. Now, there's nothing to worry about, but if they see you at night, then they probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll see you as a metal endoskeleton without its suit on. Now, since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they're probably going to try to forcefully put you into a Freddy Fazbear suit. Now, that wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the metal framing, wiring, and servos. As you can imagine, having your head forcefully put inside one of those masks would cause quite a bit of discomfort... and death. It's nothing to worry about really, though, and this first night should be a breeze. Well, talk to you tomorrow!"

"Oh, so you guys were playing a game with me, and trying to crush my pretty little face with wires and metal and s**t," The Boss commented.

"Ssel ro erom," Freddy spoke again in that deep distorted voice.

"Top-hat, you can just nod 'yes' or 'no'."

Freddy nodded.

"Well, since I kicked your asses, I guess that means I won. Now that I think of it, stalking around trying to grab ******** and force them into an uncomfortable place does sound like a lot of fun. I wanna play too!"

Bonnie shrieked.

"Indeed, Rab-bot, we can't all play together without a new security guard. Good thing I know just the dumb-a** who'll take the job." The Boss pulled out her cell-phone and called up Pierce. "Yo, Pierce, I hate to do this on short notice, but something came up, and I can't finish my shift at Freddy's. Could you come watch over the place for the rest of the night while I take care of things?"

"Man, why do I always gotta take care of your dumb bull-s**t?" Pierce said in an annoyed tone.

"Oh c'mon, Pierce. I'll buy you lunch."

"Meeh... Anywhere I want?"

"You name it!"

"...A'ight, but just this once."

"Tee-hee, see ya later, Pierce!" They hung up the phone. "Alright, everyone, back in your positions! I'll get dressed, and we can start the fun!"

-TWENTY MINUTES LATER-

Pierce arrived at the Pizzeria, with a half empty 40 oz. in his hand. He was a little buzzed, and not particularly enthused about being The Boss's b***h. The Boss was waiting on the stage next to Chica, wearing a cute cartoon kitty costume, to go with the theme. She made sure to hold totally still, so that Pierce wouldn't suspect a thing. Pierce made his way to the security room, and sat down, and began fumbling with the security laptop.

"Okay guys, let's give him a good scare before we grab him," The Boss whispered to the animatronics. First up was Bonnie. Bonnie had made his way to the West hallway. Pierce noticed this and audibly shouted "What the ********?!"

Then he looked around on the other camera's, and saw Chica staring directly into the Bathroom side camera, her head twitching unnaturally. "s**t, Boss, what the ******** did you get me into?!" Pierce tried to lower his voice, but he was very panicky. Then the Boss decided it was her turn for a scare. She appeared directly in the East doorway. Pierce cried out when he saw her, and shut the door in her face immediately. Pierce then noted Foxy rushing down the West hallway, and shut the West door as soon as possible as well. Pierce cowered onto the floor and started crying. "No, please God, I don't wanna die like this. I wanted to die like a gangster!"

As he was cowering, and not paying attention to his power supply, the magnetic doors quickly sapped away all the remaining power. The dim lights shut off, and the magnetic doors flew open. Freddy appeared at the West door, and started playing a little song from a music box.

"Oh no... please... no!"

Freddy shrieked and grabbed hold of pierce, lifting the poor underling over his shoulder, and carrying him to the backroom. There, the other animatronics, as well as The Boss in disguise, were waiting. Freddy dropped Pierce on the ground before them. Pierce backed away, teary eyed. "Please, leave me alone, I don't wanna die!"

The Boss burst out into laughter. Pierce recognized her voice instantly. "Boss?! The ******** are you doin'?!"

The Boss took her mask off, still laughing hysterically. "Pierce, you little wimp, you should've seen your face!"

"Man, this ain't funny! What the ******** were you doin', and who the hell are these guys?!"

The Boss looked around at the animatronics, and realized she didn't know their names. "Uhm... Top-hat here is Freddy, I think..."

Freddy nodded.

"And eh, this one I've just been calling Rab-bot." Bonnie waved to Pierce.

"That one is err... Ducky?"

"That's clearly a chicken, Boss," Pierce objected.

"Chickens don't have bills, Pierce."

"Ducks have webbed feet, a**-hole!"

"Let's just ask her. Hey, are you a duck or a chicken?" The Boss asked Chica.

"Let's eat!!!" Chica happily responded.

"There ya go. Ducks always wanna eat bread, so clearly she's a duck."

"Man, whatever."

"And last, there's the pirate guy here. Uh, I think he's a wolf?"

Foxy shrieked.

"A dog?"

Foxy shrieked.

"A fox?"

"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!"

"The ******** does that mean?" Pierce asked.

"I think it means 'yes'," The Boss speculated aloud.

"So then, what the ******** were y'all doin'?"

"Oh, we were gonna stuff you into that Freddy costume over there."

"What?! Man, hell no! ******** this, I'm outta here," Pierce stood up, and started walking.

"C'mon Pierce, you lost the game. You gotta follow the rules!"

"******** yo' game! Man, have fun with your new job, freaky-a** killer robots," Pierce stormed out of the room, "and who left this ugly yellow ******** lying around out here?!"

The Boss chuckled, "Well, we didn't get to stuff him in a suit, but that was fun. I like you guys. How'd you like to get out of here and join the Saints?" she proposed to the machines. They all looked to each other and shrugged for a bit, and then Freddy nodded.

"Edasurc ruoy ni nioj ot ronoh ym eb dluow ti, Madam tseraed," Freddy said, in deep garbled nonsense.

"I'll take that as a yes!"