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I keep walking down memory lane when I log on here.
It makes my hear feel strange.
There's aches sometimes, but also fuzzy feelings.
We were nothing but children when we met.
All of us.
I figured most of these people I met would be in my life forever.
Especially a select few.

I find it hard to describe my friendships with the friends I made on here, compared to my real life friends.
I hate to say they're on different levels. But they are.
These internet people were here for me when I needed them most. The time in my life when I was at my worst, you all were here to comfort me.
I shared things with you all.
Intimate feelings. Thoughts.
I felt such emotion sometimes. There was love. There was such happy times.
Anger. Sadness. Tears.

In a way, I feel like you all helped me grow.
I learned to befriend new people, learned how to trust people, learned how to properly treat people, how to properly treat myself.
But I also learned that I can be backstabbed. I can torn apart by just words. I realized that people mean something to me.
Looking back though, I was such a ******** up. I thought I was hot s**t, that I knew myself. That I knew about EMOTION.

What a fool.
I knew emotion, yes. But I definitely did not completely comprehend my thoughts, my inner feelings. I thought I was wise and could give such good advice. Ha.

I'm glad in a way, that I can go back and read my inner most feelings. Back when I was at my lowest. To see just how far I have come. I am much nicer of a person. I am much more forgiving now. Accepting. I don't have time for grudges.

I am, however, hesitant. I want to be close to some of these people again. But I am afraid. We know nothing of each other's lives. I want to tell Kait that even though we've s**t on each other in the past, that I hope she does well. That I know there's a strong fire within her. That life will s**t on you, and you have to be strong. But being strong isn't always about holding everything within yourself. You'll go far kid. Out of all the Gaians I met, you have the most potential.

Lisa, you need to gain more confidence in yourself. You're strong, just need to take that step towards your goal. Do what's best for you, maybe don't wait for your SO. I want to be that person who you can giggle with again. Where we could have inside jokes that send us to tears. You're an amazing artist, just find that muse.

Out of the friends I've had on here. Those two are the ones that stuck with me pretty well. Brittney did a good job too. But she had s**t happen in her life that was very tough. I used to resent her for a very long time. I thought all she wanted to do what cling to her boyfriends. But now I realize. If you don't have a family with you, then what else do you have - physically? That's the only person she had to comfort/hold her. So I can't blame her for clinging to them all so hard. She's on her own path to greatness.

As for myself. I feel stuck sometimes. I'm not at school. I'm at the same job I've been at for years. My passion has faded. But I am content. Is that bad? I don't feel such an urge to go to school like others. It feels like a scheme to me. I'll find my way one day. I've already come much further than I was. I finally can live with myself. If suddenly, I find myself alone - I think I'd be okay. It would suck for a long time. But I am me. I find comfort in my alone time versus when I was afraid of always being alone. Emotionally I am much better. So for that. I am grateful. Sorry for all this rambling. I haven't written in here, for awhile. And I'm pretty tired right now.