I am officially out of school.
And "free".
If "free" consists of trapped-in-the-house-until-saturday-when-I-start-work-and-without-a-ride-to-go-anywhere-with-no-semi-interesting-places-around-here-to-walk-to-unless-you-like-looking-at-the-doctors-office-walls-for-ages.
*breathes*
Yah. But i'll survive- i have on online thing I'm supposed to do by saturday. Almost half done already, on Tuesday, but... I suppose I can stretch it out if I want.
If I want.
Meh.
I just kinda wish i could stay on here all day without feeling guilty... I have dial-up, so I block the phone. And I know I probbly SHOULD do some of the work for the GPs, to show I appreciate the being driven to work and occasionally school thing... and the fact tht Gram cooks AWESOME food. Overdoes the meat, so I don't get my pink/red steak quota, but... it still tastes good, even if it's not juicy.
ANYway. . .
THIS is where I make up for the rantage-ness. My first real rant. Feel free to leave- you've been warned. I'll be complaining, whining, rambling, anything and everything.
Here goes.
I miss my friends. Usually today would have been a BIG to-do over "maybe I'll see you this summer" or "dont worry, I failed it too" or something. But no- it was just me pushing through the over crowded halls (which I dont understand, as only a fraction of the students actually had to take the finals period...) and had a major headache by the time I left.
And I only had ONE exam today. I had TWO yesterday. With no lunch or break between them. Which wasnt too bad- I was out by noon. Its just... stare Not normal, to me.
And I miss my sense of normality with the very NOT normal people I used to know. The rednecks, computer geeks, homosexuals, straights, introverts, extroverts, otaku, band geeks, chorus freaks, Orch dorks, myth buffs, science nerds, religious freaks... Anything and everything was found in at least ONE of the people I knew and was semi close to.
It's not that diverse here. It's annoying. But at least there IS anime club, and a decent library, so... I'll survive. There's a book/reading club, too, so i might join that next year... see if there's a poetry club, or something... Get over this fear of showing real-life, face to face people my work art or otherwise.
I want my boyfriend- I barely talk to him anymore. I used to call him every night, but one of our phones is awful with static and it hurts his ears OR he can't hear me over it. So I stopped, and got an AIM name to put on Trillian so i could talk to him there. We used to almost daily, for hours on end... He doesn't get on anymore because too many people discovered how to tell if he's invisible or not and he doesnt want to deal with them. SO I got a gmail address and googleTalk. He's only on THAT when he's e-mailing me or Cory, and even then oftentimes he just doesn't sign into it.
He's a gamer-he spends most of his times in his garage with the window darkened to cut the glare and his screen adjusted so as not to hurt his eyes more than necessary and he plays his games. Mostly FPSs or RPGs. He doesn't do much more willingly.So he doesn't have much to talk about except his games. But I love watching him play. He gets so involved, so energetic, it really makes me feel so much better to see him smile, even if it is at sniping some dude off of a ledge. The only other time I've seen him smile is when he fell asleep in my arms... and even then, he looked sad after a while... he looks sad when he's asleep, even. What's that saying about his life?
ANYway...
Me? I don't do well with computers. I can get them to do what I want- sometimes- but not much more. So he confuses me when he launches into how he modified a program or downloaded a new mod or so on and so forth. I get lost. So he doesnt say much. And I understand that.
I just... I miss him. Badly. It's starting to physically hurt again, I haven't seen him in so long...
I hope getting busy, Lifeguard training, work, everything will keep my mind and heart off of him for a while. I really do, because I promised i wouldn't do anything stupid to myself... and this need to be with them again is threatening to make me do just that.
AAAND...
I think I wore myself down enough. Good enough rant for now. May add to it later. Or just make another post...
Waraigoe Community Member 
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