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KIBBLE CHIB

Ryukyu~Bath
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Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 @ 08:26pm

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	I Ehate My Mom [::<3Ramon::] But it's more like I hate myself. Ah...I just want to sigh like...an unbelievably long sigh that'll wipe away all the crap I've said and done. I wan to clean slate...but I think it's too late now. I've been fooling myself. I've been fooling myself about every thing related to love. I wish this feeling didn't plague my mind like it does. I wish I could not be attracted to anyone. I guess if I got more courage, I wouldn't need to use such drastic measures...but I can't. It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to be brave, okay? I've accepted that part of me, and I've embrassed it. I've gotten a little better, I must say. I can go places and not be worried, and I can talk to way more strangers then I used to (I used to not be able to talk to cashiers at stores/fast food places). Why can't others see my impovement? Well, I guess he wouldn't know how I was before...But still. Why can't he just leave me alone? You know, the sad part about all of this is that my stomach still lurches when he signs on. That's so stupid! I just...I wish he would understand. It won't work out between us for that reason...and that reason alone. I'll tell you one thing, it's usually me that ruins relationships that I have with people...but this time...it's both of us. I can't be brave and He can't understand. Damn...It's not like it was love anyway, just physical attraction. I'm nothing to him but another girl to suduce and toy with. I'm just a sap. A sap who loves and bathes in attention. He looked my way and I made sure to latch on and make up pretend feelings between the two of us. I guess I was too obvious anyway...he guessed. No. He knew how I felt...somehow...and now everything I say comes out wrong. I don't want to talk to him sometimes. I'm afraid to talk to him on the phone. It's not something I can explain...but he needs me to. Damn...again. Can't I get a break sometime? Can't someone come on to me first, but be the most wonderful thing on Earth? Why have I found NOTHING close to my ideal guy/girl in ANYONE that I've met? What's wrong with me? Or... What have I done wrong? Ha ha. Why do I even ask these questions... When no one can give me an answer.

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[img:cb8e7b5830]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v216/Bestbetters/angela-1.jpg[/img:cb8e7b5830]
[b:cb8e7b5830]I'm cute, guys. I'm cute.[/b:cb8e7b5830]

User Comments: [2]

Northern Nymph
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Commented on: Wed Aug 02, 2006 @ 06:54am


	Well I don't know you but I've had a similar problem. It was odd reading this, it seemed too much like how I was in the past. Now I hate optimistic fools as much as the next person, but I'm gonna speak from experience. Things very well might work themselves out, in this subject per say. It is easy to fall for some one, and no one will ever find a perfect person, it will always hurt when the trueth comes out. But if you keep searching you will find the way of thinking that will make you happy. You will learn to accept and love yourself, but the path to getting there will hurt like hell... Look at me blabbering on. Anyways hang in there if only for the yari xp

Commented on: Sat Aug 05, 2006 @ 05:01pm


	._. I must admit... You have nothing wrong with you. I don't see why this son of a biatch would toy with your feelings. I really hope he gets his 'just desserts'. You on the other hand, I see nothing wrong with. We're still young, most relationships right now are just experiments in the end- for much later on. It's not uncommon for someone to want to find their ideal guy or girl, and even find them... it just rarely happens in highschool is all. What's the real deal with this guy though (PM?)? I'll talk to you later, kay? ~Tar

Impish Desires
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