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Wet met on discord of all places. It was a couple of years ago. She responded to my post regarding that I was looking for a post production sound designer for a film that I worked on. By the time she responded though it was already too late and the film has begun its festival run.

We just started to talk and I found out that she's a student from the audio program I graduated from during the pandemic. We talk a lot of shop, but a lot of it is me teaching her on things to do and not to do on set. But she says she's most of a post person. Her works eventually gets Emmy nominated and there was a time where she flew out to LA to go to the awards ceremony herself. I'm proud of her and I often recommend her for post work coming from the production end. Since then we've done numerous projects together.

... We don't see each other very often.

I met with her Monday this week. We go to a film premiere for the first time together. I decided to take her as my +1. She buys me a beer. She's like the opposite of me, she's very out going whilst I'm more reserved and taciturn. I like that part of her, I love it when she tells me her stories and I vicariously live through them. I could tell she had a long day but she makes an effort onto going onto this event with me. The movie was good but she starts falling asleep on my shoulder. I hold her close and wrap my fingers around hers intimately. She squeezes my hand tightly. I take her out to dinner afterwards, and I notice the butterfly ring around her finger. She tells me she found someone again.

In April we go to a convention together, I introduce her to some of my colleagues. I hold on a facade till we exit the convention. In the background she knows I'm not okay. I tried to die around that time again. We get drinks afterwards. She cuddles with me in her car, tears pooling. She tells me she doesn't want to lose me. I am numb, but I hate seeing her cry.

In February we were drunk and danced together in front of a taco truck while waiting for our order. It was a cold night, we share a scarf together. We were drinking because she just had gotten dumped, and I was/am still healing from my 3 year relationship that ended last year. I tell her to be strong and things will get better.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I care about her a lot. I want to write about her before she fades into memory. I feel like everyone I ever care for in my life just turns into memories eventually one day. I tell her I love her a lot, and it comes from a platonic place, I think. She's too good of a friend and I don't want to mess up the friendship + working relationship we have.

But she makes me happy. I guess that's all that matters

-A.A.M